Malcolm Quote #570
Quote from Malcolm in Reese Comes Home: Part 3
Malcolm: I'm sick of having to defend myself! No matter what I did to Reese, he's done way worse stuff to me, and it's all here on this list.
Dewey: So we're admitting we have lists? [pulls out thick binder] Mine starts January '95. When does yours start?
Malcolm: October 3, 1996: my first knuckle pizza. July 10, 1997: my first atomic swirly. The big bruise of '99. "Backyard Dentist", "Lighter Fluid Donut". That's worse than stealing a girlfriend, right?
Dewey: I don't know; were you in love for the first time with that donut?
Malcolm: Shut up, Dewey. I had every right. In fact, I owe him.
Dewey: So you're saying if he dies, then you'll be even?
Malcolm: I didn't say he was going to die!
Dewey: Malcolm, he almost killed himself with Bisquick once.
Malcolm: I'm just saying he deserves whatever he gets. [off Dewey's look] No, he doesn't. That's something Reese would say. I'm not Reese. Just because he's horrible doesn't mean I have to be. I'm better than that.
Dewey: Wow, for a brother-killer, you sure are conceited.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Reese Comes Home: Part 3’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: It doesn't have to be tuna surprise. It can be chicken surprise, or beef, but there will be a surprise involved.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Give one of them special privileges for no reason.
Sgt. Hendrix: How does that work?
Lois: It's really pretty neat. The others don't know why he got special privileges so they start doing everything right just to catch up. Then the one you singled out starts getting suspicious and paranoid and he starts informing on the stragglers.
Sgt. Hendrix: That sounds pretty good. You mind if I steal that one?
Lois: Yeah, be my guest. You know another good one? Let them pick punishments for each other. It exercises their creativity and keeps them from ganging up on you.
Sgt. Hendrix: Nice.
Lois: You can also take their breakfast, lunch and dinner, put it the blender and grind it up into a gray paste. Eventually, they eat it. That's kind of fun.
Sgt. Hendrix: You are an artist.
Lois: No, I'm just a talented amateur.
Sgt. Hendrix: I wish I could help you. I wish I could just open this drawer up and show you the information you need. But I can't. It's got me so frustrated that I just want to stare intently out this window for, oh, say... 120 seconds.
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: Mom, what happened?
Lois: I'll tell you what happened. I told them how my underage son ran away and joined the army under false pretenses and was sent off to combat and you know what they said? They said if you can find out what name he used, they can have him back to us in six months. Six months! They'll have him back to us in six months?!
Malcolm: [to camera] I don't know if she's upset he's gonna get killed, or met someone else is gonna do it.
Hal: Honey, you know you're gonna lose a nail inside your palm again. Just calm down and let the army-
Lois: I don't trust the army, which means this family has to find him, and I don't trust this family, which means I have to find him. [Lois unclenches her hand]
Hal: Two Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star?
Lois: And he blubbered like a baby.