Reese Quote #424

Quote from Reese in Reese Joins the Army: Part 1

Sgt. Hendrix: All right, troop, you're next. Get in the chair.
Reese: [holds up magazine] Okay, I was thinking something like this. Look at this lifeguard. Is there a straight-guy version of that, 'cause that'd be perfect for me. [The barber runs the clippers right down the middle of Reese's scalp] Okay, if you stop here, I think I can still make it work. ... It'll look longer when it's combed out, right?


 ‘Reese Joins the Army: Part 1’ Quotes

Quote from Reese

Sgt. Hendrix: Well, troop, you've polished your boots before everyone else. How on God's good earth did you accomplish that miracle?
Reese: I just did it exactly the way you told me to. Remove laces, pull tongue forward, apply polish, pull tongue backward, buff, replace laces, repeat. I did the same thing to make my bed and secure my foot locker.
Sgt. Hendrix: Well, that's the most miraculous turnaround that I've ever seen. I want you to explain to these recruits how the worst soldier in the unit has managed to put them all to shame!
Reese: I just stopped thinking. I figured out that using my brain was the whole problem... not just here, but my entire life. If I just do exactly what I'm told and nothing else, then everything gets easy. It's not even a question of smart or dumb. You just turn yourself into a tool. I'm much happier that way. I'm the world's happiest tool.
Sgt. Hendrix: You must be proud of yourself, son.
Reese: I don't know if I am or not. I'm waiting for you to tell me.
Sgt. Hendrix: My God. A soldier like you comes along once in a thousand years.

Quote from Hal

Lois: Oh, Jamie finally fell asleep. Haven't you finished paying these bills yet?
Hal: How am I supposed to know which ones to blow off? "Ultimate Final Notice" is obviously more serious than "Absolute Final Notice," but pink is angrier than yellow, and this one's still saying, "Please."

 Reese Quotes

Quote from Baby: Part 2

Fran: When your milk duct is blocked, it's called mastitis. It's important that you let your baby suck the obstruction out of the breast, and don't be alarmed if the baby then vomits up a cottage cheese-type substance. Now, join me over here...
Dewey: Like I needed another reason to hate cottage cheese.
Reese: I've been kind of zoning in and out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things?
Malcolm: Reese, that's what they're for.
Reese: My God! Women are the cows of people!

Quote from Motivational Speaker

Lois: Good morning, Malcolm. There's money on the counter for your yearbook.
Malcolm: I don't want to buy a yearbook. I don't want anything that will remind me I ever went to that stupid school.
Reese: How can you say that? Being part of a group is important. Don't you care about loyalty? I think loyalty is the most important thing there is.
Lois: Well, I'm glad at least one of my sons knows something about that.
[Reese sees the mail man walking down the drive:]
Reese: [shouts through the window] Hey! What are you doing here?! This isn't your house! You don't live here! We live here! This is our house! What do you want?! Huh?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?!