Hal Quote #561
Quote from Hal in Victor's Other Family
Hal: All right, the race is in two days. Let's get out there and practice. Where do we keep the sports bottles?
Dewey: Do we really need props for this charade?
Hal: Hey, when did your mom get a fire extinguisher?
Dewey: Uh, Dad, you probably don't want to...
Hal: Why would she hide this from me?
[Hal screams as he sprays the fire extinguisher in his face]
[cut to:]
Dewey: [on the phone] Yeah, Mom. He found it. The doctor says two weeks. Bye. [hangs up] I have to admit you almost had me fooled. I really thought you were going to come through this time.
Hal: Dewey, it was an accident. Believe me, if I wanted to blind myself, there are 100 easier ways I could have done it. Knowing that I let you down hurts much more than burnt corneas. And they hurt a lot. [Dewey walks away] I hate breaking a promise to you, Dewey, I really do. That's the truth. I remember once when my dad told me he was going to take me to an air show.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Victor's Other Family’ Quotes
Quote from Ida
Lois: [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Mom.
Ida: I lost the case. They said I was never legally married to Victor because there were no documents. Oh, that judge had guts after what I mailed him.
Lois: That's very sad, Mom.
Ida: Not married! Victor came to my house and defeated each of my brothers in combat. The proof was the bite marks on his back!
Quote from Ida
Lois: Aha! A canceled check for Dad's cyst removal with your signature on it!
Ida: Beautiful! Let them try and say that's not a marriage! And look! The pig Victor got for my dowry!
Lois: It might take a year or two, but we are gonna get that 40 bucks out of their eye sockets! [Ida laughs] You know, Mom, if this thing does go to trial, it might help us if you worked a little bit on your demeanor. You know, when you deal with other people, you could be pleasant and say, "How are you?" And that way people will think that you care about their feelings, and then they might care about yours.
Ida: What the hell are you talking about?
Lois: I'm just trying to help you.
Ida: I know you are, Vuschka. I'm sorry. It's just a lot for me to remember. You can show me more tricks tomorrow.
Lois: It's kind of funny, huh, Mom? After all these years, you and I are actually helping each other.
Ida: Well, you live as long as I have, you get used to anything.
Quote from Ida
Lois: It's the results of the blood test that lawyer wanted me to take. This says paternity is genetically impossible. This says that Dad is not my father!
Ida: I was 80% sure you were his.
Lois: What?!
Ida: The very second Victor walked in the house, I dragged him to the bedroom. I guess his soldiers got outflanked.
Lois: What?! Mother, how could you do something like that?!
Ida: I was lonely. Your father had a lot of business trips. Now we know what his business was.
Lois: Then who is my father?
Ida: Oh, what do you want to get into that for? Radu Gogorsky. The only interesting thing about him was he could walk up a flight of stairs on his hands.
Lois: What about Susan? Is she Dad's daughter?
Ida: Anything's possible.
Lois: How could you lie like this?
Ida: Sweetie, don't be upset. We can change this "A" to a "B." The judge will completely buy it.