TV Quotes

Dewey: Hello, sir.
Man: Sorry. I don't eat candy.
Dewey: Oh, these aren't candy bars. These are America Bars.
Man: What are you talking about?
Dewey: You know, America Bars. Well, actually, I prefer the term "Freedom Bars." You love America, right?
Man: Well, of course I do.
Dewey: Well, there are a lot of people out there who are hoping we won't do our part.
Man: What do you mean?
Dewey: You know. People. People who don't have this country's best interests at heart.
Man: So, these candy bars help fight terrorism?
Dewey: With every chocolatey, nougaty bite.

Malcolm: How much blood do we have left?
Stevie: Plenty. I snuck... another pint... when he was sleeping.
Malcolm: Stevie!
Stevie: He wants... to help.
Malcolm: I know, but I took care of that. He kept bugging me, so I gave him some food coloring and told him they were chemicals.
Reese: [runs in] Guys, guys! I've made a discovery! When you mix blue and yellow, you get an entirely new color! I'm gonna name it... [holds up vial of green liquid] "blellow."

Lois: That doesn't matter. What does matter is you'll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We've been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that's the end of it.
Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being president?
Lois: Of course it did. We decided against it.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Because then you wouldn't be a good president. You wouldn't have suffered enough.
Malcolm: I've been suffering all my life.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's not enough. You know what it's like to be poor, and you know what it's like to work hard. Now you're going to learn what it's like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won't mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you, and they just won't. And it'll break your heart. And that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there's more to life than proving you're the smartest person in the world. I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path. You don't get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.
Hal: That's Dewey.
Dewey: Really?
Malcolm: This is unbelievable. You actually expect me to be president. No, no, I'm sorry. You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States.
Lois: You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.

Malcolm: You know what? I'm glad! This is appropriate. Now my life looks exactly how I feel. How could you screw me over like that?
Lois: Because you were going to take that job, and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
Malcolm: How is being rich throwing my life away?!
Lois: Because it's not the life you're supposed to have! The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard, and you earn every fellowship and internship they have. You graduate first in your class, and you start working in public service, either district attorney or running some foundation, and then you become governor of a mid-sized state, and then you become president.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Of the United States.
Malcolm: Dad?
Hal: I'm sorry, son. It's true.
Francis: I thought you knew.
Hal: Our expectations started out much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.