Lois Quote #407
Quote from Lois in Dirty Magazine
Hal: She was touching me exactly like this! She was practically drooling over my sexy hands. And then, later this morning, she asked me if I thought her butt was big. And it wasn't. It was perfect! It wasn't an innocent request for information, Lois. If your butt was as perfect as hers, believe me, you'd know it! [sighs] What am I going to do?
Lois: Well, were you mean to her?
Hal: No. Why?
Lois: You don't want to antagonize her. She's the new boss. She decides who comes and who goes.
Hal: What are you saying?
Lois: I am saying that it wouldn't hurt for you to be... nice. [Hal gasps] That's all. Hal, I'm not asking you to do anything. It's just if she flirts with you again, just don't burst her bubble.
Hal: Lois! Oh, all right! You can make me flirt with this beautiful woman, but you can't make me like it.
Lois: I can make you do anything I want.
Hal: You're right.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Dirty Magazine’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Principal Block: What the hell is this?
Malcolm: It's "Car Crash." It's a story for the literary magazine.
Principal Block: It's pornography.
Malcolm: How is it pornography?
Principal Block: "The construction worker yelled out, '[bleep] my [bleep]'." "[bleep] my [bleep]"?!
Malcolm: It's supposed to be offensive. That's the whole point of the story. It's a literary device.
Principal Block: There's nothing literary about "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Parents don't want their children reading "[bleep] my [bleep]". This school district has a zero tolerance policy on "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Our forefathers did not lay down their lives on San Juan Hill for "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Now, you either kill this story or replace all the dirty words with asterisks.
Malcolm: That's just stupid. What's the point of bleeping out words? Everyone knows what they are anyway.
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: You know, I kind of wish I did put some smut in it, though. People are gonna be disappointed.
Stevie: Don't be... so sure. "The Mysterious... Forest." Fold A... to meet B.
Malcolm: That's a picture of...!
Stevie: Thank you... Cinemax. Freedom's... a glorious... thing.
Quote from Otto
Francis: You have a week. Is there anything you know she likes?
Otto: Well, she always wished that I could learn to waltz.
Francis: Really? That's great! I know how to waltz. I learned in military school taking girls to cotillions. I can totally teach you.
Otto: Oh, no, no, no, Francis, I am a terrible dancer. I tried it at our wedding; I stepped on her foot.
Francis: You can't let a little thing...
Otto: I broke it in three places.
Francis: But...
Otto: Then I ripped her dress, and her rear end hung out for 200 people to see. Then I got into a fistfight with her father. We spent the night in jail, and, you know, he always was a little delicate-looking, and...