Malcolm Quote #505
Quote from Malcolm in Dirty Magazine
Principal Block: Ah. Malcolm. So, have you, uh, made a decision yet?
Malcolm: Yes. I want the clubs back. So I signed the letter and sent it to your lawyer. I even made copies.
Principal Block: Yeah, what's all this other stuff?
Malcolm: I put the letter on the back cover of my new independent literary magazine. We made 700 copies, and we're distributing it 20 feet outside the school grounds as required by law. It's called "Absolutely Filthy Smut." It's a catchy title. People seem interested.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Dirty Magazine’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Principal Block: What the hell is this?
Malcolm: It's "Car Crash." It's a story for the literary magazine.
Principal Block: It's pornography.
Malcolm: How is it pornography?
Principal Block: "The construction worker yelled out, '[bleep] my [bleep]'." "[bleep] my [bleep]"?!
Malcolm: It's supposed to be offensive. That's the whole point of the story. It's a literary device.
Principal Block: There's nothing literary about "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Parents don't want their children reading "[bleep] my [bleep]". This school district has a zero tolerance policy on "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Our forefathers did not lay down their lives on San Juan Hill for "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Now, you either kill this story or replace all the dirty words with asterisks.
Malcolm: That's just stupid. What's the point of bleeping out words? Everyone knows what they are anyway.
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: You know, I kind of wish I did put some smut in it, though. People are gonna be disappointed.
Stevie: Don't be... so sure. "The Mysterious... Forest." Fold A... to meet B.
Malcolm: That's a picture of...!
Stevie: Thank you... Cinemax. Freedom's... a glorious... thing.
Quote from Otto
Francis: You have a week. Is there anything you know she likes?
Otto: Well, she always wished that I could learn to waltz.
Francis: Really? That's great! I know how to waltz. I learned in military school taking girls to cotillions. I can totally teach you.
Otto: Oh, no, no, no, Francis, I am a terrible dancer. I tried it at our wedding; I stepped on her foot.
Francis: You can't let a little thing...
Otto: I broke it in three places.
Francis: But...
Otto: Then I ripped her dress, and her rear end hung out for 200 people to see. Then I got into a fistfight with her father. We spent the night in jail, and, you know, he always was a little delicate-looking, and...