Dewey: Mom, I have a proposal for you. Now, before you start poking holes in it, I'd like you to hear me out. All I want is no more school and no more big boy clothes. I'd liked to be bathed and rocked before I go to sleep and have all my food mashed up. In return, I'll be adorable and...
Lois: Are you wearing a diaper?
Dewey: I want you to know my level of commitment. [clenches face]
Lois: [o.s.] Oh, my God!

Lois: Malcolm, Reese, get a move on! What on earth are you doing?
Malcolm: I have to practice being in a wheelchair.
Lois: Oh...
Hal: I suppose that makes sense. You never know. All it takes is one horrible accident, and you end up in one of those for the rest of your life.
Malcolm: It's just for basketball.
Hal: That's the spirit.

Abe: Hello, boys.
Malcolm: Mr. Kenarban, don't you think it's ethically suspect for someone to participate in wheelchair basketball if they're not actually handicapped?
Stevie: Even if... his best friend... needs to win... for his mother?
Abe: [chuckles] Son, after being gone two months, your mom will be happy as a duck just to see you.
Malcolm: I know she's been gone a long time, Stevie, but it just doesn't feel right to me.
Stevie: I've always... been there... for you.
Malcolm: Please don't do this to me.
Stevie: Seventh grade... first dance... open fly.
Malcolm: All right, fine. But I'm sick and tired of you throwing that in my face all the time.
Stevie: Save it... for the game.