Malcolm Quote #446

Quote from Malcolm in Future Malcolm

Leonard: How could you possibly think that the Nimzovich defense would work against me? You tried it two games ago, and I slaughtered you. You tried it four games ago, and I slaughtered you. Seriously, how do you find your way home at night? [his opponent gets up and walks away] What? Where- Where you going? What? Oh, okay! Who wants to play? Eddie, come on. I'll tell you what. I'll hit myself in the head with a rock. I'll even it out. No? Chubbo? You can eat with one hand, play with the other. Oh, I can't believe this. You're all cowards. Hey, funny-looking kid, you want to learn how to play chess?
Malcolm: No, thanks.
Leonard: Come on. Look, it's not that hard. See, this one looks like a pretty little horsey.
Malcolm: I know what a knight is. I also know how to counter a Nimzovich defense without leaving my queen's bishop wide open. Your whole left flank was Swiss cheese. [starts walking away]
Leonard: Hey, junior champion. Read your Kasparov. The second you go after my bishop, you can kiss your rook and two pawns bye-bye! Oh, okay, I get it. You're scared to play me!
Malcolm: Yeah, I'm really scared of some troll in the park beating me at chess.
Leonard: Evidently, you are!
Malcolm: Now you're confusing fear with pity. Fear triggers a fight or flight response while pity allows me to turn my back and walk away with a sadness for your misery!
Leonard: I would've kicked your ass.
Malcolm: All right, that's it. [runs back]
Stevie: Couldn't see... that coming.

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 ‘Future Malcolm’ Quotes

Quote from Otto

Otto: Francis, you have inspired me to new heights. See how I have captured the confident power of your torso, the sheer arrogance of your ass.

Quote from Malcolm

[Reese is eating a jalapeno pepper as Malcolm reads the Guinness Book of World Records]
Reese: [groans] How many more for the record?
Malcolm: Two more tubs should do it. [to camera] There really isn't a category for eating jalapenos, but I think he's probably suffered enough. I'm going to tell him in a minute.
[cut to Malcolm dumping another bag of ice in Reese's bath:]
Reese: [whimpers]
Malcolm: [to camera] I'm so close to telling him, honest.
[cut to Reese running into a wall:]
Reese: [yells] Ninty-seven.
Malcolm: [to camera] Really, I'm going to tell him.
Reese: [yells]

Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: Anything I want to do, they don't understand. And if they do understand, they just make fun of it. But why should I expect them to be any different than the rest of the world? Let's face it, everyone on this planet is a brain-dead, butt-scratching half-wit.
Stevie: Bite... us.