TV Quotes

Hal: Boys, you see what I have? This is a movie I asked you to return three weeks ago.
Reese: What if we want to watch it again?
Hal: I found it in the dishwasher. 21 days times $2.99 a day, that's...
Malcolm: $62.79.
Hal: What?! What is it going to take for you boys to learn some responsibility? You can't just go through life letting things slide? Sooner or later, you are going to learn that- [lights go out] Is it the tenth already?

Otto: Someone was out of bed bright and early this morning.
Francis: [chuckles] Yeah, Gretchen left me a note. Can't seem to find it anywhere. I think it may have been about your violent night terrors.
Otto: What are you talking about?
Francis: I don't speak terrified German, but you must have been having some pretty horrific dreams.
Otto: That's ridiculous. I never dream.
Francis: What?
Otto: I never dream. I go to sleep; eight hours later, I wake up with a slight sore throat just like everybody else.
Francis: You screamed for hours.
Otto: I think it was you that had the bad dream, but don't worry, I know just what to do. I will give you a nice, oily massage before bedtime, you will sleep like a baby.

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.