Malcolm Quote #802

Quote from Malcolm in Malcolm Holds His Tongue

Lois: A peptic ulcer? How did you manage to get a peptic ulcer? The doctor said you have the stomach lining of a 60-year-old air traffic controller. You are a teenager, for God's sake. What do you have to be stressed about?!
Malcolm: For your information, I just spent the past three hours on a gurney next to a guy who is still trying to smoke out of the hole in his neck. And the jackass who put in this I.V. couldn't find a vein with two hands and a flashlight! My call button doesn't work! These stupid sheets are itchy. There's only one channel on the TV. And what's this about a bedpan?!


 ‘Malcolm Holds His Tongue’ Quotes

Quote from Stevie

Malcolm: What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I just learn to shut up?
Stevie: We're... the same. We speak... before... we think.

Quote from Hal

Hal: "...and everyone but the rabbit lived happily ever after." And the moral of that fable, son, is that turtles are pathological liars who won't give you their gold.
Dewey: Got it.
[Hal is mesmerized as he sees a power walking team pass through the park]
Dewey: Dad?
Hal: It's like watching the gods return to Olympus.

 Malcolm Quotes

Quote from Dirty Magazine

Principal Block: What the hell is this?
Malcolm: It's "Car Crash." It's a story for the literary magazine.
Principal Block: It's pornography.
Malcolm: How is it pornography?
Principal Block: "The construction worker yelled out, '[bleep] my [bleep]'." "[bleep] my [bleep]"?!
Malcolm: It's supposed to be offensive. That's the whole point of the story. It's a literary device.
Principal Block: There's nothing literary about "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Parents don't want their children reading "[bleep] my [bleep]". This school district has a zero tolerance policy on "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Our forefathers did not lay down their lives on San Juan Hill for "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Now, you either kill this story or replace all the dirty words with asterisks.
Malcolm: That's just stupid. What's the point of bleeping out words? Everyone knows what they are anyway.

Quote from Billboard

[Malcolm stands in front of the vandalized billboard which now has a speech bubble containing "I WANT RESPECT"]
Malcolm: We can't come down because we are protesting this offensive depiction of women!
Lois: What?!
Reese: What?
Malcolm: We've come up here to make a difference in the world!
Reese: Yeah!
Malcolm: To speak for women like this one who can't speak for themselves!
Reese: Yeah, because they're billboards!
Malcolm: Shut up. We're not coming down until women everywhere get the respect they deserve! No matter how long it takes, we're staying up here!
Lois: Oh, for the love of God. I don't know who you think you're fooling.