Malcolm: I want you to tell me why you don't like me.
Laurie: Why are you doing this?
Malcolm: I want a straight answer!
Laurie: Ugh, I can't believe I liked you in the third grade.
Malcolm: You liked me in the third grade?! I knew it! I wasn't crazy! You did like me! So what the hell has changed? Tell me! I defy you to tell me!
Laurie: Nothing! That's the problem! You're still the obsessive whining know-it-all who doesn't listen to anyone.
Malcolm: But you did like me in the third grade?
Laurie: Malcolm, I don't like you! Can you get that through your head? Before I just didn't have a crush on you. And now I can't stand you! So you want me to tell you why I don't like you? You want me to tell you why I like nice, funny Gary Spindler and absolutely despise bitter, annoying Malcolm? Do you?
Malcolm: Look...
Laurie: Well, I'm gonna tell you! There is something wrong with you! I don't know how you do it! You're cute, smart, funny and somehow you managed to mess that up! Like today. It was an awkward situation, but it would've passed. But you just kept picking at it and picking at it until it turned into this big horrible thing! [Malcolm tries to escape] There is something wrong inside you! There's something rotten at the core of your personality! You're just off! That's not even the worst thing!

Laurie: Wow, these are nice woods. Come on, Malcolm, we're still friends. We can still have fun, right? Why don't you help me with this clue? "North of the fork and up a small hill, under a joke without J is a small yellow bill." This doesn't make any sense. You'd think they'd make sense.
Malcolm: Gary Spindler?!
Laurie: Malcolm?!
Malcolm: Just tell me what you see in that jerk. He high-fives people when they decide what they want on their pizza. He still says, "It's the bomb". "Hi, I'm Gary. I have a laser pointer."
Laurie: He's nice. And can we concentrate on the scavenger hunt? We're going to fall behind if we don't figure this out.
Malcolm: It's a stupid yellow duck under that oak tree right there. Joke without J, oke. Oak tree. The fork was just back there.

John Pratt: Hey, everybody! I know there are some concerns here so I've brought Mr Landon over to put your minds at ease. Now, he's taking time away from his family so not too many questions.
Barry: This is beautiful. Phil, Mr Landon would like to put our minds at ease! Isn't that right, Bert?
Phil: Hal?!
Hal: Ah, Bert. Albert. Halbert. Hal! You know? [chuckles] I'm sensing a lot of confusion here but the keyword to keep in mind is loyalty. When you're worried about your job it's very tempting to make a fellow co-worker look bad but, I mean, who really cares if someone's wife's an alcoholic... or that someone has a certain unnatural attraction to women in suits? The important thing is we're in this together! And remember, nobody likes a snitch! So, let's have a great picnic, huh? [applauds and runs away]