Hal: Mmm, I'm starving. What's for dinner?
Lois: Leftover parfait.
Malcolm: [to camera] It's even worse than it sounds! Once a week Mom cleans out the fridge. Anything that doesn't actually have something growing on it gets thrown in a casserole and served for dinner.
Reese: Did we have spaghetti or Chinese food on Thursday?
Dewey: Neither.
Lois: [to Hal] Ah, no digging!
Malcolm: Sunday, Saturday, Friday. It finally happened! The fifth level of this week's leftover parfait is last week's leftover parfait.

Lois: A prostitute. This guy was convinced I was a prostitute. You know, ever since I got your stupid report, I have been feeling like everything I ever believed in was wrong. Well, I think this little incident gives us both a much-needed clarity. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna wash my face. And when I come to work tomorrow, I'm going to do the same extraordinarily good job I've been doing all these years. I'm going to do it in my 99-cent mascara and, if the mood strikes me, a hair clip and that's it. And if that's not good enough for you, so be it. [to the man] Thank you. [exits]
Mr. Fisher: Well, Steve, are you gonna tell my sister, or should I?

Craig: Here you go! I had to move a couple dozen bags of charcoal briquettes, but I found the slightly-darker-blue one that you wanted. I got a few spider bites, but none of that matters as long as you, the customer, go home satisfied. [the woman takes the bag and walks away without saying anything] You're welcome.
Woman #2: Excuse me! Where are your dog toys?
Craig: Yes, ma'am. They're right there. Right behind you.
Woman #2: Those are leashes.
Craig: If I could direct your attention three inches to the right.
Woman #2: I want that little hot dog up on top.
Craig: Sure thing. I see we have one just like it right here.
Woman #2: That isn't what I asked for. This has mustard on it. Peekaboo doesn't eat mustard.
Craig: Well, I can see that the one up there has mustard on it, too, and since it's not even real mustard-
Woman #2: Are you going to give me what I ask for?
Craig: Certainly. [Craig's shirt rips as he reaches to the top shelf] There you go. Thanks for shopping Lucky Aide.
Woman #2: This has mustard on it.
Craig: That's what I tried to tell you, you old bat! Now, you're gonna take it to your dog and make him like it!
[Craig and the old woman start throwing squeaky toys at each other]