Malcolm Quote #269

Quote from Malcolm in Christmas

Malcolm: [to camera] Reese has had the remote for four hours. That's four hours of mindless crap in five second increments. [to Reese] You go to the bathroom, you lose the remote!
Reese: Fine. I can wait.
Malcolm: I dunno. You drank a lot of soda. It must really be pressing on your bladder.
Reese: Not gonna work.
[later:]
Malcolm: And then I had four glasses of Dad's iced tea. He just kept pouring and pouring.
Reese: Not gonna work.
[later:]
Malcolm: The equivalent of 3 semi-trailers of water pour over the falls every second.
Reese: Not gonna work.
[later, Malcolm slurps a drink:]
Reese: Not gonna... work!
Malcolm: [to camera] Turns out this is way better than anything on TV.

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 ‘Christmas’ Quotes

Quote from Ida

Francis: Oh, my god, you're crazy! I just thought you were evil, but you are nuts!
Ida: What are you talking about?
Francis: Grandma, gifts aren't conditional. They're gifts. You give them to people because you love them! They're not something you can take away because of some petty slight! You're not teaching people anything You haven't got back at them. They don't even know they've upset you! All you've done here is... is constructed a monument to your own insanity! What kind of a person does that?
Ida: A lonely, bitter, old woman.
Francis: What?
Ida: [sighs] Look what I've done. What use is all this things to me now? They could have brought someone some happiness. Instead they rot here. Oh.
Francis: Grandma?
Ida: My hea- My heart. I think it's... melting. Yes, it's melting. Oh. You've shown me the way, Francis, by yelling at me. Quick. Go get my magic sled and me and my reindeers will go and give Christmas to all the mean, stupid, rude people! We'll all join hands and sing songs and we'll sprinkle the ingrates with fairy dust!

Quote from Ida

Francis: Well, look at that. 8pm already. Way past bedtime. Where do I sleep?
Ida: You're sittin' on it.
Francis: Does it turn into a bed?
Ida: Yes, it becomes a bed. It's a special magic sofa. It opens up for magic lazy boy. And the angels come and feed you grapes and sing to you while you sleep. And it flies around the room granting wishes for boys what are stupid.
Francis: Alright, it doesn't fold out.

Quote from Ida

Ida: [card plays "Jingle Bells"] You do this to torture me? To hurt me?!
Francis: You don't like Christmas music?
Ida: It sounds like a song they sang when they rode through villages throwing babies on the fire!
Francis: They sang Jingle Bells?
Ida: They sang something.