Hal Quote #268
Hal: Lois, are you about done?
Lois: No!
Hal: Well, you're gonna have to get out. I'm late for work.
Lois: Hal, I am not cutting my shower short because you can't get out of bed in the morning.
Hal: I can get out of bed just fine if someone didn't turn off my snooze alarm!
Lois: That alarm went off every six minutes for an hour! What are you doing?
Hal: I'm getting in, Lois!
Lois: You are not! You will get your shower when I'm finished.
[Hal and Lois tussle over the shower curtain before looking at each other:]
[cut to:]
Hal: [on the phone] I don't think I'll be able to come in today! I've got a pretty severe fever, scratchy throat... [Lois's foot tickles Hal's ear] Cough. [coughs]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Charity’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Francis: This is ridiculous! The wolves had me tree-ed for half an hour. I've just about- Ow! You can't treat us like this! This is inhuman! We are citizens! This is America! Isn't it?
Quote from Hal
Hal: You've been stealing money from the church?!
Malcolm: And maybe some merchandise.
Hal: [gasps] You boys, you've been taking stereos, toys... Is that cheese? Oh. [flails] I need to sit. [gasps] Oh, my God!
Malcolm: Dewey, get a washcloth!
Hal: My boys are thiefs!
Reese: Here you go, Dad. [puts an oxygen mask in Hal's mouth] Nice and even.
Hal: You stole air?! What is wrong with you boys? Do you ever stop and think of the consequences of anything that you do?! Do you realize the shame you're going to bring on our entire family? Do you?!
Reese: Forget that, what's Mom gonna say?!
Quote from Reese
Reese: [changing channels] No. No. No. Wait. No. No.
Malcolm: Gimme that! [grabs remote] No. No. No. Wait. No. No.
Lois: Hi, boys. Got a second? You boys really have a pretty good life.
Malcolm: [to camera] Uh-oh.
Lois: You spend your days flying kites, playing video games. It's about time you found something to do to enrich your lives.
Reese: When did we have kites?!
Lois: I could never live with myself if my boys grew up to be selfish little pigs. So I decided to volunteer you to do a little charity work. You can choose between helping old people, or helping poor people. [the boys are silent] Or I can make you do both.
Reese: Okay. Old people. [Malcolm nudges Reese] What can be bad about old people? [Malcolm whispers in Reese's ear] Poor people! We want poor people!