Hal Quote #928
Lois: Malcolm, how was school today?
Malcolm: History class was cool.
Lois: Really? Tell us about it.
Malcolm: Jimmy Perkins kicked the crap out of Fred Nason right outside our window.
Reese: Jimmy beat up Fred Nason? That guy's huge!
Malcolm: I know. I couldn't believe it. Fred knocked Jimmy's hat off and Jimmy punched him in the face, like, five times in a row in a second! Fred fell in the bush and he just started hitting and hitting him. It was way cool!
Dewey: Jimmy Perkins is crazy.
Hal: It's like I always told you boys, crazy beats big every time.
[Lois farts as she bends down to pick something up, prompting Hal and the boys to laugh. After Lois stands up and looks at them, the boys stop laughing and scatter.]
Hal: .... So, how was your day, dear?
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Book Club’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Reese: [chuckles] Tracy really should have invited us. This is what you get for being rude.
Malcolm: Okay, we'll hide these in the closet tonight, then we'll cover up the hole and by the time Mom's home, we'll be in bed sleeping like babies.
Lois: Boys! Fireworks? Fireworks? [falls over the fence] Omph!
Reese: How did she?
Malcolm: I don't know!
Lois: You boys are in so much trouble! I can't leave you alone for a second! I guess next time I go out, I'll have to chain you to the floor! We tell you to behave and you don't even pretend to listen! [chopper overhead] You might as well cut off your ears and throw them in trash for all you use them. You are grounded for the next month! [Lois is illuminated]
Police Officer: [o.s.] Get down on the ground with your hands behind your head.
[Lois puts her hands behind her head and kneels down]
Lois: While you're being punished, I hope your friends are doing all sorts of fun stuff because you won't be doing any of it! You are gonna suffer!
Quote from Francis
Francis: [on the phone] Hey, it's Francis. How's Alaska?
Eric: Francis, where are you? You were supposed to be here two weeks ago.
Francis: I know, but no-one will pick me up, I ran out of money and had to work tarring the roofs for a week. Apparently, there's a serial killer loose in Idaho who looks just like me.
Eric: You better get here soon. I don't know how much longer they'll hold the job.
Francis: I'm almost there! Listen, do I take the provincial highway 99 or the 27 to provincial highway 12?
Eric: What?! Where are you?
Francis: I'm close to British Columbia. I'm in Bellingham, Washington.
Eric: Francis, you're still 2,000 miles away!
Francis: What?! No way! I've got to be near to Alaska. I've just exchanged all my money for Alaskan dollars!
Eric: There's no such thing as Alaskan dollars!
Francis: Sir? [runs off]
Quote from Hal
Hal: We'll be fine! [inner monologue] I don't want to screw this up. Lois needs time to herself. She deserves a night out. She'll have fun and will come home happy. I just have to keep the boys under control. What am I talking about? They're good kids. What am I talking about, "What am I talking about"? They're monsters! They'll destroy everything and then ruin Lois's night! Then she'll feel like we can't be trusted on our own! She'll never want a night out again and it will all be my fault!
Malcolm: We're going out back.
Hal: [out loud] You're not going anywhere! You're gonna stay in your room all night with the door shut! Now go! Go!