Hal Quote #247
Lois: Hal, let me see your bathing suit.
Hal: [o.s.] No. The ones you picked out are too big and baggy.
Lois: Baggy is good. It's less surface area I have to shave.
Hal: I like the little ones.
Lois: No, Hal. You always pop out of the little ones.
Hal: I do not. That was one time.
Lois: Hal, the Kenarbans are conservative people. We're going to be in very close quarters with them. Now, you get the baggy ones.
Hal: Just let me show you something.
Lois: It better not be that suit in the egg.
Hal: Uh-uh, don't say anything till you see it.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Houseboat’ Quotes
Quote from Abe
Abe: [o.s.] Oh, I'll tell you what the problem is. I hate this boat, I hate this place and everything about this vacation!
Kitty: [o.s.] Then, why didn't you say anything?
Abe: Oh, what difference would it have made? This whole trip was your idea! And God knows, whatever Kitty wants, Kitty gets!
Kitty: Stop behaving like a total ass! You're ruining everyone's-
Abe: I could be sitting in a suite in Hawaii right now!
Kitty: They can't afford that.
Abe: Well, pardon me for going to college and earning a decent living! Should I drive a crappy car 'because they do, too?! No, they cannot hear me! And even if they could, they'd certainly understand it's just my puckish sense of humor. [whispers] Don't you worry. They're not that smart.
Quote from Spangler
Spangler: I heard what happened, cadet. My, my, my. All that splintered wood and broken glass. [tuts] I brought you something.
Francis: What's that?
Spangler: A hammer, cadet. I expect you to repair the case. You'll find lumber in the common room.
Francis: I have a nine-inch gash in my leg!
Spangler: Hmm. [strokes chin with hook] That's quite a handicap. Cadet, you damaged school property! And you are the one responsible for repairing it. Consider it a character-building lesson.
Francis: I didn't damage anything. That was negligence. The phone wasn't properly connected to the wall! It's unfair!
Spangler: I decide what's fair around here. But wait. Maybe I've been hasty. No. Now that I've reconsidered, the decision stands. You will fix the damage by the end of the week. That is all, cadet.
Quote from Abe
Lois: Oh, this is great. To just relax with adults. [Abe plays a word] "Suffocate". Good for you, Abe. [Kitty plays a word] "Cry baby."
Abe: I believe that's two words, dear.
Kitty: OK, then. Just "baby".