TV Quotes

Reese: What did you hear?
Dewey: Everything. I want to go to the fair.
Malcolm: No, Dewey. You're too young.
Dewey: Take me or I'll tell Mom.
Reese: If you do, I'll just stomp the crap out of you.
Dewey: Go ahead. I'm still telling.
Malcolm: Dewey, you're not going and you're not telling. If you blab to Mom, we'll take every pet you ever get and set it free.
Reese: We'll destroy every toy, every game, everything you ever love.
Dewey: Do what you have to.

Kitty: A sleepover?! At someone else's house?!
Abe: Don't you like sleeping here, son?
Kitty: I don't think this is a good idea, Steve. I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't have a HEPA filter air purifier and God knows how outmoded their alarm system is. They probably don't even have motion detectors.
Abe: Be honest, son. Is it my snoring?
Kitty: You have a perfectly good hypo-allergenic mattress here to sleep on. I just don't see the point.
Stevie: It would help... me feel... normal. [rolls away] Fish... in a barrel.

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.