Lois: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to you?
Malcolm: What happened to me? I'll tell you what happened to me. Since Reese got whipped by that girl, he stopped being the school bully, so now there's no one to protect me from people who think I'm an unfunny little smart ass, which is evidently everyone.
Hal: Well, you can be a little sarcastic.
Malcolm: Thanks, Dad. I feel better.
Hal: Case in point. [to Lois] Well, he can be.

Lois: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: Mom, great news. I figured out a way to get home Wednesday.
Lois: Francis...
Francis: No, it won't cost you a cent. One of the cadet's fathers is a trucker. He said I can ride in the refrigerator compartment to the 609 interchange. And a buddy of his flies a crop duster. Now, if he's sober, he should be able to drop me off at the soybean field near the train station...

Malcolm: Okay, what the hell was that milk thing on the playground?
Reese: I don't know. I had to do something.
Malcolm: So you poured milk on yourself? Why didn't you just pound that kid?
Reese: Because I'm sick of doing that. I'm sick of beating up little kids. It's creepy.
Malcolm: But that's you. That's what you do.
Reese: Not anymore. That was the old me. The thing I did at school today was me destroying the old Reese.
Malcolm: So, drenching yourself with chocolate milk was like a baptism?
Reese: No, idiot. I was washing away the old me and starting over.