Malcolm: What happened? Did you get caught? Where were you?
Reese: Geez. You're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.
Malcolm: What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'll be in if we get caught? With Mom? With the school? With Mom?
Reese: Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and The Nutty Professor.
Malcolm: Oh, God. Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.
Reese: Nope. That's confidential. Now, which one do you like more? [holds up masks] Hannibal Lecter or the hockey mask? [When Lois taps on the boys' bedroom door, Ms. Gilbert is standing next to her]
Lois: Malcolm, Reese. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Reese: [deep voice] Don't blame Reese. Blame Davey. [Lois grabs Reese's finger] Ow! Ow, ow. Ow!

Reese: You missed a great assembly. I can't believe it. They actually gave us fruit to throw at the Krelboynes. What were they thinking?
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope. Besides, I want them to remember who's boss. When they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives, they're going to know... the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.

Lois: Underpants! In a closet! Human underpants! I must not threaten you people enough!