Malcolm: So, yesterday, in my gifted class - I'm not bragging that I'm gifted, but that's just what they call the class. We're studying Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis, it's a Mad Cow disease. It started because they were grinding up dead cows to feed them to the other cows. Basically the prions turn their brains into soup, right in their skulls. It's very similar to a disease that afflicted a tribe of cannibals, because they feasted on their victims' brains. [Patty is silent]

Reese: Hey, is his stick bigger than my stick?
Malcolm: I don't know. They're just sticks.
Reese: Yeah, but why does he get the better stick? I always get the crappy sticks! Why is everything of mine so lame? I never have anything nice! My life sucks!
Malcolm: [to Dewey] Give me that. [snaps Dewey's stick in half]
Dewey: [sobs]
Malcolm: [to camera] Sometimes, things just have a way of working out.

Reese: I don't see why we need a babysitter!
Malcolm: Yeah, Dad's convention is only for two days!
Reese: How can you not trust us? [off Lois's look] Well, it's still not fair!
Lois: I trust you to be on your own. The babysitter's not going to be here for two hours. Don't... do... anything.