Francis: Boys, the time has come. You're about to see the device that will change the face of Halloween forever. Behold.
Dewey: That's not a flying chocolate maker.
Reese: This is just a bunch of tubes.
Francis: Trust me.
Reese: I do trust you, but... I expected something a little more...
Malcolm: [looking at blueprint] Oh, my God. Will this work?
Francis: Absolutely.
Reese: What? What is it?
Malcolm: It looks like an incredibly powerful slingshot.
Francis: A slingshot capable of hurling objects over a distance of two city blocks. Picture yourself you're walking down the street, you're minding your own business when all of a sudden... bam! You're hit by a ten-pound balloon filled with shaving cream, paint or any number of foul-smelling liquids. And you never, ever know who did it.
Reese: It's the perfect weapon.
Malcolm: Reese, are you crying?
Reese: [emotional] No.

Reese: 9 days past expiration. [drinks orange juice] Ugh. Here.
Malcolm: [drinks] Ugh! It turned carbonated.
Reese: Hmm.
Malcolm: [removes cottage cheese] Expired 2 months ago.
Reese: You don't have the guts. [hands Malcolm a spoon]
Malcolm: [gags]
Reese: [retches] [removes egg nog]
Malcolm: When was the last Christmas we have Egg Nog?
Reese: I think before Dewey.
Malcolm: It's all you, man. [Reese gags as he drinks the eggnog] [to camera] This is a game that has no winners.

Francis: Mom, I've been waiting at the bus station for three hours. Why didn't anybody come to pick me up?
Lois: What? I sent your father. Oh, Francis, I'm sorry. He's battling his archenemy.
Francis: What? The squirrel's back?
Lois: No, it's a human this time.