Malcolm Quote #692
Quote from Malcolm in Jessica Stays Over
Lois: Aw, this crisper is disgusting. It's like vegetable soup in there. Malcolm, get a sponge and clean it out.
Malcolm: Okay.
Lois: You're not going to fight me or try to weasel out of it? [Malcolm shrugs] All right, what's wrong?
Malcolm: Nothing. It's just- There's this math test coming up, and I don't know...
Lois: Malcolm, stop. You're going to ace it like you always do.
Malcolm: That's just the point. You totally expect me to get a hundred. My teacher expects me to get a hundred. Everyone expects me to get a hundred. Do you know what it's like every time you do anything in school to have everyone expect you to be perfect? Do you have any idea what kind of pressure that puts on you?
[later:]
Malcolm: It was so easy. I started with this load of crap about my math test and then the rest just came pouring out of me so naturally. Before I knew it she was telling me to take the car and go and have fun with my friends. She even gave me money for gas.
Jessica: Nice. Is that a tear?
Malcolm: No.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Jessica Stays Over’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Dewey: Is that a bee?
Hal: That is how you know it's fresh. You won't find any bees in your store-bought honey, I'll tell you that much.
Dewey: Where did this come from?
Hal: Spoils of war, Dewey. You know that beehive in the toolshed I've been battling for months? Victory is mine.
Dewey: You did it yourself? How'd you know how to do that?
Hal: It's instinctual. See, human beings were born with everything they need to destroy bees. Except the poison, you have to buy that.
Dewey: I feel kind of sorry for the bees, though.
Hal: It's survival of the fittest, Dewey. If they had won, they'd be spreading us on toast right now.
Quote from Reese
Reese: You can bite my American ass, Zhao Lee.
Dewey: What's that?
Reese: The school made us adopt pen pals from different countries. I got stuck with this loser from China.
Dewey: What's wrong with China?
Reese: It's not what you think, Dewey. He won't send you illegal fireworks or get your nunchucks autographed by the emperor. The guy's a total jerk. It started off with a simple request to apologize for Pearl Harbor. The guy wouldn't do it. He's so arrogant. When I draw squiggles, it's nonsense. When he does it, it's a language. I was so pissed. But then I thought, be the better man, and reason with the guy.
Dewey: "Do you want me to kick your butt? Check yes or no."
Reese: And there's his response. He couldn't even follow simple instructions.
Dewey: "You need help, Reese."
Reese: He thinks a whole planet between us is going to protect him. He thinks he's so smart. We'll see who's smart when I mail myself to China and kick his upside-down ass.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Six boxes of cereal, two gallons of milk, eight peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, adult diapers and Madlibs.
Dewey: You thought of everything.
Reese: And I also packed some barbells so I can get there in fighting shape.
Dewey: They look like soup cans.
Reese: You noticed. See, there's a lot of things that serve two purposes. Like my pillow. It's stuffed with M&M's so I can sleep and snack from the same source. It's the same way NASA designed the old space capsules.
Dewey: The very same.