Malcolm Quote #669

Quote from Malcolm in Buseys Take a Hostage

Hal: Why don't we just give the homeowners a refund check?
Malcolm: We could. But then we wouldn't have the money for what you said was the most important thing: security.
Hal: Security is big.
Malcolm: I've been racking my brain, trying find a way to give every area equal protection. I wish there was some magic kind of mobile security system that could weave through the neighborhood.
Hal: Like a security car?
Malcolm: Dad, that's brilliant! And then citizens from the neighborhood could drive a car out to make sure there's no trouble.
Hal: I don't know. Purchasing a car isn't the only expense. You got to think about storage fees... Wait, we could park it at our house.
Malcolm: You have a real talent for this.


 ‘Buseys Take a Hostage’ Quotes

Quote from Reese

Malcolm: Are you studying?
Reese: Yeah. My stupid teachers wait until the end of my senior year to tell me I have final exams. In every single class! I've got to get serious now. If the finals are anything like this practice test, it's gonna be brutal.
Malcolm: It's just a bunch of true/false questions.
Reese: So it's a 50-50 chance. Do you know what the odds are of getting one of those right?

Quote from Reese

Malcolm: What's up with Mom?
Reese: She just saw my report card. I flunked out of every single class.
Malcolm: What?
Reese: Every single one of my finals, I got every question wrong.
Malcolm: Oh, my God.
Reese: I know. Now I get to repeat my senior year! Isn't this great? I worked so hard for this. I had to make sure I flunked every class so completely, I couldn't make it up in summer school. Now I don't have to move out or go to college or get a job for a whole 'nother year! This is the greatest achievement of my entire life!

 Malcolm Quotes

Quote from Dirty Magazine

Principal Block: What the hell is this?
Malcolm: It's "Car Crash." It's a story for the literary magazine.
Principal Block: It's pornography.
Malcolm: How is it pornography?
Principal Block: "The construction worker yelled out, '[bleep] my [bleep]'." "[bleep] my [bleep]"?!
Malcolm: It's supposed to be offensive. That's the whole point of the story. It's a literary device.
Principal Block: There's nothing literary about "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Parents don't want their children reading "[bleep] my [bleep]". This school district has a zero tolerance policy on "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Our forefathers did not lay down their lives on San Juan Hill for "[bleep] my [bleep]"! Now, you either kill this story or replace all the dirty words with asterisks.
Malcolm: That's just stupid. What's the point of bleeping out words? Everyone knows what they are anyway.

Quote from Malcolm Holds His Tongue

Lois: A peptic ulcer? How did you manage to get a peptic ulcer? The doctor said you have the stomach lining of a 60-year-old air traffic controller. You are a teenager, for God's sake. What do you have to be stressed about?!
Malcolm: For your information, I just spent the past three hours on a gurney next to a guy who is still trying to smoke out of the hole in his neck. And the jackass who put in this I.V. couldn't find a vein with two hands and a flashlight! My call button doesn't work! These stupid sheets are itchy. There's only one channel on the TV. And what's this about a bedpan?!