Hal Quote #594

Quote from Hal in Buseys Run Away

Lois: Why are you pacing?
Hal: Let me ask you something, Lois. What would you do if, hypothetically, through a series of unforeseeable circumstances, you found yourself commanding an army of benevolent strongmen?
Lois: What?
Hal: Picture it. A dozen guys, any one of them can rip a horse in half, willing to follow your every command. Well, you'd have to do something really great with that. Something noble and unselfish, but not too expensive. And we are not even taking into account that I could easily be led to the dark side. Lois, you have to promise me, if you ever see me holding a cat and laughing maniacally over a globe, you need to let me know.

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 ‘Buseys Run Away’ Quotes

Quote from Dewey

Lois: Good night, honey. I made you a turkey and cream cheese sandwich for school tomorrow. [closes door]
Malcolm: What are you trying to do?
Reese: Mom hasn't made you do any of the crap she's made us do. Why is she being so nice to you?
Dewey: Because, for the last three days, I haven't done anything wrong. You see, Mom doesn't yell and scream at us because it's the only way she knows how to talk. She does it because we do stuff that's bad. And, if you don't do anything, she doesn't get mad at you. You understand? It's not her. It's us.
Malcolm: Fine. Don't tell us.

Quote from Reese

Malcolm: We've lost Dewey. It's the only possible explanation. He's turned on us, and he's feeding Mom information.
Reese: This is bad. Real bad.
Malcolm: I know. What does he have on you?
Reese: Oh, man, I have all kinds of things going on he might know about. I have my lost-dog scam, the rat-baby farm, the electrified mailbox I'm noodling with...

Quote from Hal

Hal: [on the phone] Yes, he does have a better head of hair... No, I have no idea what he would like as a "welcome to the firm" gift. Okay. Good-bye. [hangs up]
Lois: Oh... Don't worry about it.
Hal: There's got to be something I can get a job at. There's got to be a big turnover in test pilots. Or advertising. I could do advertising!
Lois: Hal, you have no experience in advertising.
Hal: I'm a natural. Little jingles are constantly popping into my head. [sings] Oh, wham, bam, thank you, jam Who's gonna love it? Your family am! [sings] Banana skin It's so nice and thin There's no better way to keep your banana in.
Lois: Hal...
Hal: [sings] Newspaper, keeping track Of your neighborhood raper...

 Hal Quotes

Quote from Blackout

Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.

Quote from Malcolm Babysits

Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.

Quote from Cattle Court

Lois: And we can all thank Reese for the wonderful dinner he brought home from work.
Hal: Oh, way to go, son. And someday, all that toner I keep bringing home will come in handy, too.