Lois Quote #423
Malcolm: [to camera] As soon as I figure out how she got me here, I'm out of here. [sighs] Never mind. I'm just going to ignore her and do my homework.
Lois: What are you working on, sweetheart?
Malcolm: Just finishing a paper on Wuthering Heights.
Lois: Wuthering Heights, huh? I did my senior thesis on that.
Malcolm: You did not.
Lois: I hope you're not sticking to that tired view that Catherine and Heathcliff are soul mates. You picked up on the subtle hostility towards romanticism, right? I mean, Catherine's just as bound to Edgar as she is to Heathcliff. She takes a lock of his hair to the grave, too.
Malcolm: Well, duh! [Malcolm erases his work]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Softball’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Francis: I got halfway home when I suddenly remembered the time when I was three years old and you were sick - or so you said - and couldn't drive me to Donnie Dinesco's birthday party. So I rode this tricycle two miles in the pouring rain just to get there. Lazy? I think not. Now, I am not leaving until you apologize.
Lois: All you want is an apology? That's it? Well, you should've said so a week ago.
Francis: But...
Lois: I'm hereby officially sorry. Okay?
Francis: No! Not okay! That is not an apology. That's just one of those cleverly designed apologies that sounds like an apology but isn't one. Now you have to apologize for apologizing. And then apologize!
Lois: You know what your problem is? You know why you can't accept my apology? Because you just can't stand to be happy!
Francis: What?!
Lois: You have an addiction to trouble. You need to have chaos in your life. You always have. I mean, look at you. You have a great job, a nice home, a wife, and you can't stand it. You have to come back here and pick a fight with your mother.
Francis: That's not true. I came back here because you've destroyed any chance any of us ever had for happiness.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Boys, I found the beer you hid in the garage. After all our talks about drinking, you still think it's cool?! Well, it's not! Now, sit down and watch! Look at me! [opens can] I'm Mr. Cool. [drinks beer] Mmm! Everybody digs my scene.
[later:]
Hal: I'm the grooviest dude who was ever grooved on.
[later:]
Hal: [weepy] I just love you boys so much. Who wants a hug?
[later:]
Hal: [sings] Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so
Reese: Took him long enough to find that beer.
Malcolm: Yeah, but it was so worth the wait.
Quote from Dewey
[Reese is eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream and Dewey is eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream]
Reese: It's pathetic to watch Francis when he's around Mom. It's almost like he's her puppet or something.
Dewey: Yeah, it's really awful how she manipulates him. Boy, I sure love this vanilla!
[Reese takes Dewey's largely empty bowl of vanilla ice cream and swaps it for his full bowl of chocolate ice cream]
Reese: Why would anyone do something like that?
Dewey: Well, there is a certain pleasure in secretly controlling someone a lot dumber than you.