Ida: You'll be giving the rehearsal dinner here tonight.
Lois: Tonight? Is Susan coming?
Ida: No. Maybe next time your sister will think twice before she yells the answer to Wheel of Fortune. Give someone else a chance. Wedding's at 2:00 tomorrow. Don't be late. We have a 6:00 flight to Hong Kong.
Hal: You're going to Hong Kong?
Ida: Yes. He has a house there. That's where we're going to live.
Lois: You're moving to China?
Ida: I know. Chickens in the streets, children in the sweatshops, everyone smokes. It's a dream come true.

Reese: Hey, that's really neat.
Dewey: Thanks. It's the USS Constitution. In 1803, it sailed all the...
Reese: Typhoon! [smashes ship with a racket]
Dewey: I can't believe you did that!
Reese: How about now?
Dewey: You idiotic...! I hate you! I wish you weren't my brother! I wish you never existed! Wow. How did that happen?
Reese: What?
Dewey: It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Reese: What is?
Dewey: I wished as hard as I could and Reese completely disappeared.
Reese: Yeah, yeah, very funny.
Dewey: Huh. The smell is gone, too. I wonder if it works on other things. [holds up brush] Nah. If this were gone, I'd miss it.

Malcolm: Morning.
Lois: What are you hiding?
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Lois: Stop wasting my time. I can smell the guilt from here. You know, if you fess up now, I might go easy on you.
Malcolm: You can't just pretend to know something, hoping I'll blurt out a confession. I'm not hiding anything. [to camera] Okay, I'm hiding something. [shows tongue piercing] Cool, huh? If I hide it from my parents for a month until it heals, then I can take it out and put it back anytime I want. And do you know why I did this? Me neither.