Malcolm Quote #776
Quote from Malcolm in Malcolm Films Reese
Malcolm: [over P.A.] Hello, North High students. This is Malcolm. You all know the horrible thing I did to my brother Reese. And I'd like to publicly apologize for turning him into a laughingstock. I should never have exposed his secrets. And I can't turn back time. I can, however, level the playing field. I have been having impure thoughts about Shirley the lunch lady. Last month, I caught a glimpse of her cleavage and I've been fantasizing about her ever since. And now that I've admitted that, I'm just as big a laughingstock as he is. Unfortunately, that doesn't protect him from the rest of the school. So I'm forced to bring everyone down to our level. Let's take a look at everyone's permanent records. First up, David Abernathy. He wasn't on a construction crew this summer. He was in theater camp. Cheryl Adams is excused from gym this week because her herpes is flaring up. Charlie Agnew wets his bed every night during finals. Leslie Albert forged her parents' signatures to get a nose job.
Mr. Herkabe: [to a student] Well, Mr. Zyzyx, I'd say we have a half an hour to erase everything on your hard drive.
Malcolm: James Allen... [door rattles] James Allen, he likes to eat his...
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm Films Reese’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Ah, Malcolm. You have waited very patiently for your term project, and today your patience pays off. Here.
Malcolm: What's this?
Mr. Herkabe: You are holding a video surveillance camera. The lens is in the logo, and the video is transmitted via wireless signal to this digital tape recorder.
Malcolm: What am I supposed to do with it?
Mr. Herkabe: You are going to secretly conduct an in-depth case study of a deviant mind, the most deviant mind that we have at our disposal. A mind incapable of differentiating between right and wrong, a diseased...
Malcolm: You're talking about my brother.
Mr. Herkabe: Yes.
Malcolm: And you want me to secretly videotape him?
Mr. Herkabe: Around you, he'll relax, let his guard down, begin to talk about himself. These disciplinary files reveal nothing of the real Reese.
Malcolm: What you're asking me to do is creepy on about a hundred different levels.
Mr. Herkabe: You have one week.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Malcolm: Hey! You made me look like a total jerk! You tricked me!
Mr. Herkabe: Tricked you? Oh, how could I, a humble school administrator making low five figures, be any match for the great and powerful Malcolm? Never underestimate your adversary! You may consider yourself my moral and intellectual superior, but this has clearly proven you are neither. We played the game and I won. [engine splutters]
Quote from Reese
Malcolm: So, uh, how are you?
Reese: Huh?
Malcolm: I'm just curious how... you're... feeling.
Reese: How the hell should I know?
Malcolm: Well, are you happy? Are you sad? Like, when you laugh, you're feeling that something's funny.
Reese: Like when I tripped Arthur Hall and his retainer went flying out of his mouth into a pile of dog crap? That was awesome.
Malcolm: So you think it's funny when other people get hurt?
Reese: I think it's funny when you shut up.
Malcolm: Okay. Okay.
Reese: Hey, they laugh at me.
Malcolm: People laugh at you?
Reese: Yeah, people laugh at me. But not for long.
Malcolm: So, what you're saying is, when people laugh at you, it hurts, and then you want to make them hurt, too?
Reese: No. What I'm saying is, if you want to talk like a girl, go find a girl. And take this with you. [punches Malcolm to the ground] See? It is funny.