Malcolm: Oh, my God.
Stevie: Call... nine... one...

Francis: Look, sir-
Spangler: I have the floor. In the short time that you have been under my care, we have had our share of conflicts. In all my efforts to get through to you, I have tried every method I know how. [removes normal hook]
Francis: And besides mental and physical abuse, sir, exactly which methods would those be?
Spangler: This photo made me realize something. I used to be like you. Insolent, arrogant, cavalier.
Francis: Sir, I-
Spangler: Floor. [attaches pipe-holding hook and smokes] Now, son, you are on the precipice. Now, I am going to tell you a story about my life in the hopes of finally getting you to straighten yourself out. In the coming hours, you are going to hear things that are going to horrify you.
Francis: It sounds illuminating, sir, but I have biology.
Spangler: I've taken the liberty of canceling your next three classes. Son, do you know what a wet nurse is?

Spangler: Son, what were you thinking?! Stealing 200 frogs from the biology lab and setting them loose on the highway!
Francis: I was freeing the alleged frogs, sir. Killing live animals in the name of science is inhumane.
Spangler: No! Inhumane is sitting in a car for two and a half hours when I live only eight blocks from campus.
Francis: Sir, I didn't mean-
Spangler: I am tired of all the things you didn't mean to do. You didn't mean to come in four hours after curfew. You didn't mean to replace the morning reveille record with a selection from trip-hop wizard Tricky. Maybe I should just rename this "Francis's 'I didn't mean to' file."
Francis: That would be a bold choice, sir.
Spangler: Glibness. What a surprise. I'm giving you exactly ten seconds to tell me why I shouldn't put you on latrine detail for the rest of this semester.
Francis: Okay. Um... "Why shouldn't I have to clean toilets for the next three months?" It's an intriguing question. Is that a new tie, sir?
Spangler: Four seconds.
Francis: What a beautiful beach. Did you take this, sir? Because you've truly captured your young male friend's... Speedo.
Spangler: That is a picture of me. Now if I were you, I wouldn't try to distract me and... [looks at picture]
Francis: Sir? Sir?
Spangler: Hmm? That'll be all, cadet.