Hal Quote #328

Quote from Hal in Jury Duty

Abe: What's all this?
Hal: Just some research I'm doing on the trial Lois got assigned to.
Abe: Oh, my God! The Reyes case?! Did she anything about the four-fingered magician? Was he any good?
Hal: She won't tell me anything. I had to dig up all this on my own. Half the information is being suppressed from the jury. Now Lois will have to find Moynihan guilty.
Abe: Why wouldn't she? He did it.
Hal: Oh, you're a fool! Everyone knows that the wife killed him.
Abe: What are you talking about? She loved him. Didn't you read the letter?
Hal: If she was so innocent, how come she didn't admit to being married before?
Abe: Because she was underage and it was annulled a week later. It means absolutely nothing. The judge already ruled that inadmissible.
Hal: This is the same judge that wouldn't allow the cab driver to testify!
Abe: Well, if the wife did it, why did four witnesses say they saw a man leave the crime scene?
Hal: Oh! You mean a man... like this?!
Abe: You just drew hair on!
Hal: And if I could do it, she could do it. Did you know she spent two years working at the Windmill Dinner Theatre.
Abe: Let me see that!


 ‘Jury Duty’ Quotes

Quote from Abe

Abe: But the money was really being funneled to Mr Reyes's mistress and their love child. Once Moynihan found out, it was "Good night, Mr Reyes".
Hal: You've got nothing!
Abe: There were witnesses who saw him arguing with the victim. He can't account for his whereabouts when the murder occurred, and they found the murder weapon in his car! Means, motive and opportunity!
Hal: It's all a little too neat!
Abe: Because he's guilty!
Hal: My gut says he didn't do it!
Abe: Just saying so doesn't make it so!
Hal: Talk to this guy!
Abe: [yells at Hal's stomach] You're an idiot!

Quote from Lois

Susan: Wait! I don't think Marty is guilty.
Lois: What?!
Susan: I went through all these papers and it says the kid sings in a church choir. I just don't think a churchgoing boy would do something like this.
Lois: That is not fact. That's bias. You are basing a decision on feelings that have nothing to do with facts! Facts are things, like witnesses seeing Marty steal the bike, like Marty being apprehended while he was driving the stolen bike! Like Marty pulling tons of stupid stunts just like this one. Those are the facts.
Susan: I just don't wanna send that poor boy to jail!
Lois: Oh, believe me, jail is going to do a lot more good than three years of military school ever did.
Foreman: Military school?
Susan: I didn't read anything about military school.
Lois: Oh, yeah... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I saw that somewhere.
Ben: I don't think so. Didn't he drop out of vocational school?
Foreman: That's right. After he transferred from the private school where he got caught messing with the teacher's aid.
Lois: No, you don't understand, I know for a fact that Francis went- Oh, my God! I think I have to excuse myself from this jury.
Foreman: All in favor? [all hands go up]

Quote from Reese

Malcolm: We're trying to tell you something important. We just saw Stevie's mom naked!
Reese: And she's a total babe.
Malcolm: It was amazing. We were over at Stevie's getting stuff for the sewer when, all of a sudden, we hear something behind us. We turn around and there she was, in the hallway, naked!
Reese: Buck naked, except for her shower cap. It was crazy. First she was screaming, then Stevie was screaming, then I was screaming... Yeah. Why'd I do that?
Malcolm: And then she tore the curtains off the wall to cover up!
Reese: But you could still see right through the curtains. I'm so glad they just remodeled.
Dewey: That is not a good reason! Mom walks around here naked all the time! She was naked this morning. She was naked in-
Reese: Dewey, if you've just combined those two things in my head, I will kill you! [closes eyes] No, we're good. So, anyway, she was crawling down the hall with the curtain...