Hal Quote #314
Quote from Hal in Hal Coaches
Hal: Alright, look, today's practice was... Well, let's focus on the positive. I think it's encouraging that so many of you found the right field. And special congratulations go to Billy for using the sidestep that we practiced to run away from the butterfly that almost landed near him. But we do need to work on your general unwillingness to kick the ball.
Boy #1: It hurts!
Hal: Boys, if we are going to get better, we have to work together. We're going to have to start acting like a team. You know what it means to be on a team, don't you? Well, don't... C'mon! Think of a team.
Boy #2: Like the X-Men?
Hal: Yes! [chuckles] Yes, like the X-Men. You boys are like the X-Men. And what do the X-Men do?
Dewey: Fight evil?
Hal: Yes, they work together to fight evil and also to uphold the ideals of good sportsmanship and team work!
Boy #1: And fight evil! [all cheer]
Hal: OK, OK. Boys, c'mon, huddle up, huddle up. I should not be telling you this but the American Youth Soccer Federation has been infiltrated by evil forces hellbent on domination of the Earth. The infiltration goes all the way down to the lowest levels - I'm talking The Black Hawks, The Bulldogs, The Eagles. Every other team in our league has been lost to the forces of evil and it's up to you boys to stop them. Now, boys, what do you say? Who wants to be on the side of goodness and who wants to rid the world of evil?> [all cheer] All right, boys, let's get out there and do some kickey drill. [laughs nervously]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Hal Coaches’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Stevie: You were supposed... to meet me... at the library.
Malcolm: Oh, yeah, sorry. You know, I actually found something decent on Ed's computer.
Stevie: The Virts?
Malcolm: Yeah, you create a virtual family, put them in different situations and the computer plays out their lives. I'm putting the characters in right now.
Stevie: Is that... your mom?
Malcolm: Not yet. [turns aggressiveness level to 10] Reese. [turns intelligence down to 0]
Stevie: Make sure... you capture... the blackness... of his soul.
Malcolm: Aggressiveness, ten. Hygiene, zero. OK, now me. Appearance... nine. No, ten. A ten for intelligence. And social skills, ten.
Stevie: Too bad... it doesn't go... higher.
Malcolm: I have social skills, jackass! OK, it's dinner time. Where's Malcolm?
Stevie: Looking at himself... in the mirror.
Quote from Piama
Francis: Look, I'm going to ask you one last time, for the sake of our marriage, what did you do?
Piama: [whispers] Took her parakeet.
Francis: What?
Piama: I took her parakeet!
Francis: You stole the woman's pet? The woman's pet?!
Piama: You protect the people you love. I figured you would do the same for me.
Francis: But I would tell you. And if I was gonna grab someone's parakeet and hold it hostage... Well, jee, I wouldn't do that. How long were you going to keep it for, anyway?
Piama: 'Til she behaved. And if she didn't, I guess I'd have killed it.
Francis: See?! That's where it gets alarming again. But putting aside the horrible nature of the act itself, what's upsetting is, you made this unilateral decision-
Piama: I said I was sorry! How many times do you want me to say it?
Francis: You didn't say you were sorry.
Quote from Lois
Lois: [o.s.] I can't believe you, Dewey! How could you do this?
Reese: When is she going to stop? I'm starving. Go get us some food.
Malcolm: I'm not going out there.
[in the kitchen, Lois and Hal are sitting at the table reading magazines with Dewey nowhere in sight:]
Lois: Sorry doesn't cut it, young man.
Hal: This was a good idea. I just wish you had told me earlier. I was hiding outside for 45 minutes before I came in.
Lois: I saw you.