Lavernia: You disgust me. You better run home to Mama, so she can kiss your tears away and make you cocoa and tell you- [Francis punches back]
Francis: For your information, my mother's a tormenting control freak. It would never occur to her to make me cocoa!

Malcolm: You can't call that a short cut! A shortcut has to be shorter!
Reese: Says who?!
Malcolm: Says the word!
Reese: No, a shortcut is just when you don't use regular streets.
Malcolm: So, according to you, if it took 150 years to cross the street, just as long as you went through some bushes and trees, that would qualify as a short cut?!
Reese: God, you hate being wrong.

Lois: How dare you?! How dare you defy us like that?!
Malcolm: Well, we wouldn't have had to if you hadn't been ridiculously hard over a little mud on the floor!
Lois: You two are the most ungrateful, badly behaved, inconsiderate boys ever born! How could you be so heartless?
Reese: What is heartless about going to a party with a bunch of slutty girls?
Malcolm: Be cool.
Hal: You were at a party?! While we were here worrying?!
Dewey: Can I have a napkin? [Hal hands Dewey a napkin]
Hal: I cannot believe you two!
Lois: Alright. That's it! You are grounded for the rest of the school year!
Reese: You can't do that!
Malcolm: You're crazy!
Hal: You do not talk to your mother that way ever! You'll show her nothing but the love and respect she deserves whether I'm here or not!
Reese: This family sucks! You are ruining our lives! I wish you were dead!
[After a speechless Lois walks out of the kitchen, Hal follows her]
Malcolm: What was that all about?
Reese: I don't know. She usually just says, "I'm taking you with me."