TV Quotes

Reese: What did you hear?
Dewey: Everything. I want to go to the fair.
Malcolm: No, Dewey. You're too young.
Dewey: Take me or I'll tell Mom.
Reese: If you do, I'll just stomp the crap out of you.
Dewey: Go ahead. I'm still telling.
Malcolm: Dewey, you're not going and you're not telling. If you blab to Mom, we'll take every pet you ever get and set it free.
Reese: We'll destroy every toy, every game, everything you ever love.
Dewey: Do what you have to.

Kitty: A sleepover?! At someone else's house?!
Abe: Don't you like sleeping here, son?
Kitty: I don't think this is a good idea, Steve. I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't have a HEPA filter air purifier and God knows how outmoded their alarm system is. They probably don't even have motion detectors.
Abe: Be honest, son. Is it my snoring?
Kitty: You have a perfectly good hypo-allergenic mattress here to sleep on. I just don't see the point.
Stevie: It would help... me feel... normal. [rolls away] Fish... in a barrel.

Dewey: It's weird to think about. Pretty soon you guys will be... gone.
Reese: Yeah. And this just sitting around hanging out... We're not going to have many more of these.
Abe: [chuckles] No, we sure won't. Seems like only yesterday you and I were going to homecoming, putting the school paper to bed, fretting over our first big date with Sharon Hines. Mmm. That kiss went on forever.
Malcolm: Uh, Mr. Kenarban, Stevie's supposed to help me work on my speech.
Abe: Right, right. Mr. Valedictorian. [chuckles] Congratulations again. I'm glad my son can help you out with your big, important speech. It's probably that selflessness that got him the second spot.
Stevie: Dad!
Abe: I'm not insulting salutatorian. It's- It's quite an honor. I'm just glad that even after I got Cedric Hampton to be the school's commencement speaker, they still had the integrity to make you valedictorian and not my crippled son.
Stevie: Go!

Abe: Ah. There you are. Stevie, you ran off without your backup inhaler.
Stevie: Thanks... Dad.
Abe: Did Stevie tell you his big news?
Malcolm: No. What's going on?
Abe: Stevie's been accepted as a research subject at the Norvet Biomedical Institute. Dr. Norvet himself picked him for the motor-neuropathy program.
Stevie: It's... nothing.
Abe: Nothing? Come on, Stevie. This is the most exciting thing that's happened to us since they put your stomach on the inside. Who knows? This Christmas might just be our first ski vacation.
Stevie: Dad.
Abe: Tomorrow after school we'll go look at snowboards.
Stevie: Dad.
Abe: I said just look.