Lois: Malcolm, I didn't raise you to stop trying when something is hard. You can do this. You just concentrate on those pins. You throw the ball. You are not giving up until you bowl a strike.
Man: Your mother's right, Connie.
Malcolm: My name's not Connie! Okay, Mom, you want to see a strike?!
Lois: Malcolm, what are you doing?
[Malcolm starts walking down the lane]
Malcolm: Look at me! I'm the world's greatest bowler! I care so much about bowling! Bowling is so important!
Lois: Malcolm, come back here!
Malcolm: You want a strike? I'll give you a strike! Here's your damn strike!
[Malcolm throws the ball and doesn't manage to knock over a single pin. As everyone laughs, Malcolm walks back up the lane.]
Reese: Way to go, Connie!

Malcolm: You can go now. Thanks for the ride.
Lois: Where are the parents? Are there no parents here?
Malcolm: Mom, please don't...
Lois: Where are your parents? Who's chaperoning this?
Reese: Mom, we don't need a chaperone.
Lois: Okay, it's me. [claps] We got two lanes here. Let's use them! You, you, you, you and you, you'll use that lane. You five use this one.
Malcolm: Mom, please don't do this.
Lois: Are you kidding? You guys are bowling. [sighs] You could cut the hormones around here with a knife. I mean, what kind of parent would leave these kids alone with themselves?

Francis: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, I need a favor.
Lois: Sure. Let's hear it.
Francis: Well, some of the other cadets are going in together on an old car and if I put in 100 bucks, I get the car every seventh weekend.
[Dewey opens his bedroom door and tentatively places one foot down. Lois doesn't even turn around.]
Lois: Get back in there!
Francis: I could take road trips and go on dates. I could drive underprivileged children to cultural stuff.
Lois: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I really don't think we can afford this right now.
Francis: Of course. I knew you'd say that. Why do I even try? Now you can go to bed happy, knowing that you kept my life a living hell!