Malcolm Quote #722
Lois: [weakly] I have never been so angry. If you boys are gonna act like dogs, I'm gonna treat you like dogs.
Malcolm: [to camera] This is so awesome. Mom and Dad just got back from the doctor's, and it turns out she has mono. She's been ordered to stay in bed for two weeks. After all those years of stepping on cracks, it finally paid off. I mean, it's no broken back, but I'll take it.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Mono’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Malcolm: Remember when I was in fifth grade and I set the couch on fire? How'd you know it was me? I planted all that evidence, I had Stevie as an alibi. Even Dad thought it was Reese.
Lois: Honestly? I had no idea. You were the first person I saw when I started yelling, and you just crumbled.
Malcolm: You were bluffing, but you seemed so sure.
Lois: Of course, I seemed sure. With you boys, if I showed the slightest weakness or hesitation, the whole thing falls apart. Half the time, I'm just going on blind instinct.
Malcolm: After all these years, five kids, keeping up that act. That's gotta be exhausting.
Lois: Tell me about it. Plenty of days I come home tired from work. The last thing I wanna do is be Lois.
Malcolm: I guess I do the same thing. Sometimes when I come home from school, I don't feel like arguing with you. But it's like that's my job.
Lois: It's funny, isn't it?
Malcolm: I bet half the time if we knew what the other one was really thinking, we'd just burst out laughing.
Lois: We probably would.
Quote from Hal
Hal: Okay, Jamie. Here we go. None of Mommy's monster germs are in here. But don't get too comfortable in the big boys' room. It's only temporary.
Dewey: He's never leaving, is he?
Hal: What? No. This is just until it's safe to go back into our room.
Reese: You said the same thing when Dewey moved in. Are you gonna take him back now that your ringworm's better?
Hal: I told you we are still on yellow alert with that!
Quote from Hal
Hal: [as Rodney Dangerfield] Oh, I'll tell ya. I get no respect. No respect at all. [laughter]
Barry: This is the guy from the luau I was telling you about. He's hysterical.
Hal: [as Jay Leno] Ever notice that stop sign on Maple? Evidently, Mary Keller thinks it's a slow-down-and-check-for-cops sign. [laughter]
Carol: That Hal is so great. Too bad he's stuck with that woman.
Hal: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] That is right, Jay. She never stops there. I will terminate her.
Steve: You know who'd be perfect for him? Ellie. She's just coming out of that bad divorce.
Carol: Stop. That is terrible.
Hal: Hey, ask me for a burger with cheese.
Barry: I'll have a burger with cheese.
Hal: [as Jack Nicholson] You can't handle the cheese.