Hal Quote #808
Quote from Hal in Malcolm's Money
Hal: All I'm saying is that we can do a lot with this kind of money.
Lois: But it's not ours, Hal; it's Malcolm's.
Hal: Of course, it's Malcolm's. But we have to take a moment to think about what a teenager is going to do with $10,000. Well, you know he's just going to blow it all on Legos and penny candy. Besides, it's not like Dr. Braniac isn't gonna get a free ride to whatever college he wants to go to, right?
Lois: I don't think I like where this is going, Hal.
Hal: Lois, all I'm thinking about is protecting Malcolm. I mean, sure, he's got that brilliant mind, but right now it is being held hostage by gallons of crazy teenage hormones. All I'm saying is maybe we should hold onto this for a little while, before we decide what to do with it.
Lois: Yeah, but Hal...
Malcolm: [enters] Thanks, Mom, for letting me go to picture day dressed like this. You made me look like a total jackass! It's not your picture; you don't care what I look like. Any mail for me?
Lois: No.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm's Money’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: Honey, you are looking at this all wrong. We will pay him back. We are like a bank. And banks don't give you back the same exact money that you gave them. They use it, and then pay you back with different money later on. It's what makes our economy the envy of the world.
Lois: I don't know. It just seems wrong.
Hal: Look at it as a forced savings plan. We're actually doing him a favor. Lois, I can honestly say that I was not a good father to Malcolm until I forged his signature on that check.
Lois: And we're going to pay him back, right?
Hal: Absolutely. Every cent we spend. Plus interest. With no hidden handling fees. [Hal flashes the cash]
Lois: Okay.
Hal: Good. Honey, we have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of here. Okay, you go back into the house. I'll follow in 30 seconds. Go on!
Quote from Hal
Lois: [runs tap] Four, three, two... brown... clear... brown again... good.
Dewey: What about this watch, Dad? It's only $12.99.
Hal: That's where they get you, son. See, it says $12.99, but that doesn't include the hidden costs. Shipping, handling, box tops... By the time you're through you're paying on the high side of $15. I've never owned a $15 watch.
Dewey: But I need one, Dad!
Hal: Son, a cork and a piece of string make a perfectly fine sundial and a great conversation piece with the ladies.
Quote from Lois
Lois: I've done something very bad.
Hal: What?
Lois: There was this antique store across the street from the bank. And I saw this dollhouse in the window. And the next thing I knew, I was walking out with it. It was like that money in my pocket killed the old Lois and replaced her with a crazy person...
Hal: It's okay, honey. I mean, so what if you spent a couple hundred dollars on a dollhouse? It's no big deal. Now, where's the rest of the money?
Lois: There isn't any.
Dewey: What?!
Hal: You- You spent ten thousand dollars on a stupid dollhouse?!
Lois: They wanted 12. But look, Hal, it has a tiny little dumbwaiter, and the lights really work.
[Sparks fly when Lois turns the dollhouse's lights on, causing it to catch fire. Hal grabs the burning dollhouse and takes it to the sink, but the water fails to come on as the dollhouse burns.]