Malcolm: Eat faster!
Dewey: Don't chew it. Just swallow it!
Reese: [eats ice cream] Nothing.
Malcolm: [to camera] Granted, this isn't scientific, but the fact that Reese can't get brain freeze has to prove something.
Reese: Wait. I'm feeling something in my toes. [eats more ice cream]

Malcolm: The Schwabs sent out a mass e-mail to everyone at school. They Photoshopped our heads onto a dirty movie.
Dewey: Gross!
Reese: That can't be a dirty movie. There aren't any girls in it. Oh, my God!
Malcolm: I'm not homophobic. If the three of us were gay lovers, I'd be fine with this. But it's not true!
Reese: This is so humiliating. My abs are way more ripped than that guy's.
Dewey: We've got to respond.
Reese: Well, I was saving this one to what grade Mr. Watts was going to give me, but we can climb up on their roof and drop a wasp nest down their chimney. I have one ready. I've been teasing the for months to keep them angry.

Joe: I just want to thank Hattie for organizing this meeting. I think it's about time the people who really do the work around here start standing up for ourselves. I for one, am sick of no overtime, no job security-
Craig: Excuse me, Joe, I just want to say that Mr. Cochran makes a lot more money than us. And I strongly feel that on that basis alone, he should be trusted.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake, Craig. You know what really bothers me? When I see Mr. Cochran parking his car out front every morning and we've got to park nine blocks away.
Craig: They let us use the shuttle to get to our cars.
Lois: That's the city bus, Craig.
Craig: I appreciate all the anger that's in this room, and God knows I'm not one to shy away from a fight, but I suggest that instead of starting a union, we form a special committee to maybe paint Mr. Cochran's house so he'll want to be nice to us. [murmurs of disagreement]
Shelly: Sit down and shut up, Feldspar.
Lois: You know what? I've worked here for almost ten years. I have never felt we needed a union, but when I think about what this place has done to some of us, how it's made us so afraid to even voice our opinions, then I think maybe we do. [applause]
Craig: Okay, but let the record show that I advocated a policy of cowardice and appeasement.