Lois: You know what, Hal? I'm done. I give up.
Hal: What are you talking about?
Lois: Jamie wins. He beat me. All those years, all those terrible things those kids have done. It doesn't make me stronger, it's just worn me down. Like termites eating away at a house, until all that's holding up is paint. I'm just paint, Hal. Jamie knows it. You'll do a better job than I can. I trust you.
Hal: No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! You can't leave me alone with those kids! We had a deal, Lois! You are in charge of the spiritual and emotional development, discipline and scary injuries. I kill spiders, mark their heights on the door frames and supply car snacks. You walk out now and the whole system falls apart!
Lois: I can't do it, Hal. I don't want to. I just don't have it anymore. I mean, it's normal, right? People give up, they quit.
Hal: Lois, you listen to me. No one is as good as you are. You took those vicious little fiends, and you twisted and crushed them into submission. And you didn't do it because you had to. You did it because you loved the game, and it was beautiful!
Lois: I just don't have that anymore.
Hal: Honey, yes, you do. I know you do. You just lost your way a little. You just need to think. Think back to the first time you found that spark. There's got to be some way to remember. And I'm going to help you.

Reese: Would you look at this thing? It's amazing. We've got to come up with something really great to do with it.
Dewey: What if we tied mattresses to ourselves and jumped off it?
Reese: Nah. We could do that off the roof.
Malcolm: We could launch mannequins into the Prestons' Jacuzzi.
Reese: Uh-uh. It's not good enough.
Dewey: We could get a squirrel to dive off it into a cup of water.
Reese: Not good enough. Not for her. Not this old beauty.
Malcolm: Well, how about if we got a vat of Jell-O-
Reese: No! It's not good enough! I got it! We take a dog, tie him to a bicycle... No! It's just not good enough!

Lois: Would you look at this? Jamie poured flour in the dryer. Now I get to wear a loaf of bread to work tomorrow. He destroys everything! He's absolutely the worst kid we have ever had!
Hal: Oh, you say that with every kid. Let's face it, Lois. It's just the hand we were dealt. God just doesn't like us. That doesn't make us bad people.
Lois: No, there's something different with Jamie. He's not like the other ones. I'm telling you, I can see it in his eyes.
Hal: Honey, calm down. You know what will make you feel better? You take a look at him while he's sleeping. You know how cute he is, with his tush all squished up in the air like that- [Jamie isn't in his crib] Did you see him? [door closes]