Malcolm: What are you talking about? I can play music if I want to.
Lois: I'm sorry, honey, you can't. Your brain doesn't work that way. You don't have that kind of creative spark.
Malcolm: What?
Lois: See, Dewey is a flyer. He'll just drift and float through life, and things will turn out for him. Now, you and I, we're burrowers. We're at our best when our heads are down, and we're grinding through a mountain of drudgery.
Malcolm: You don't know that.
Lois: Yes, I do.
Malcolm: You actually think you know what I'd be good at before I even try it?!
Lois: That's right.
Malcolm: Oh, really? Then tell me, how would I be at scuba diving, or mountain climbing, or Flamenco dancing.
Lois: Bad at scuba diving, good at mountain climbing. Flamenco dancing, a disaster. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, I'm just telling you what I know.
Malcolm: It's a good thing you weren't John Lennon's mother!
Lois: If I were John Lennon's mother, he'd still be alive.

Reese: Dad, you have to understand. The reason I missed so many days of school, was that the calendar on my watch stopped. I thought it was Saturday all week.

Malcolm: I have something I want you guys to hear. I've been practicing. Really practicing a lot. And I had an idea for a song. I don't know if it's any good or not, but it really means something to me. Do you mind if I play it for you?
Lois: Of course not, Malcolm. We'd love to hear it.
Malcolm: [plays guitar and sings] No one knows Just what I've been through I can't stop The pain inside me Now I'm staring Out my window Children play They seem so happy. Why are we here Going nowhere? Why does my life feel so empty?
Dewey: [sings] Meow, meow, meow, meow...
Malcolm: What are you doing?
Dewey: That's the Meow Mix song. [sings] No-one knows just what I've been through, meow, meow, meow
Hal: [sings] Now I'm staring out the window
Both: Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Lois: I want chicken I want liver
All: [sing] Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver. Now you know that cat meow means Meow Mix, Meow Mix
Malcolm: Okay, okay, stop it! God, I've just spent two days of my life rewriting the Meow Mix song. I poured my heart into this. I actually got tears in my eyes writing it. How pathetic is that? I clearly have even less talent than you gave me credit for. [exits]
Hal: Should we tell him the kid recovered from the tick bite, and the trip to Europe's off?
Lois: No. Let him return the guitar first.