Lois: That was a good thing you did, son.
Dewey: Thanks.
Lois: Enjoy the cake. That's the last thing you're going to eat in a long time that hasn't been dipped in sardine juice. [takes a photograph of Dewey] Hey! Finally! A picture for your memory book.

Reese: Dinner and the limo were fantastic, and your parents were delightful. You didn't tell me that they were Asian, too.

Malcolm: [to camera] Oh, great, it's prom time already. An evening of posers and phonies out to make the rest of us feel like crap. It's just like every other day of high school, except it costs a thousand dollars.

Malcolm: You know what sucks about this school?
Carla: Students, teachers, the textbooks, the asbestos-filled building and the toxic dump it's built on?
Malcolm: Well, that, plus they never offer anything for people like us to do.
Carla: You know what would be cool? If there was a party that was the complete opposite of the prom.
Malcolm: You mean like a "morp."
Carla: What?
Malcolm: A morp, the complete opposite of the prom.
Carla: Morp. I like that. Yeah, instead of paying $500 for a dress, we could just wear jeans and a sweatshirt.
Malcolm: And instead of a limo, we can all just take the bus. We should totally do this.

Boy: It wasn't me who threw that pudding at you!
Reese: Well, you should have thought of that before you started looking like the guy who did!
Jeanie: Excuse me? You're Reese, aren't you?
Reese: Wait a second, I'm in the middle of something. [locks boy in locker] Don't worry, somebody will find you, they do drug searches on Fridays.

Jeanie: What are you doing prom night?
Reese: That's a Saturday. I'll be throwing shopping carts into the reservoir.
Jeanie: My name is Jeanie. For the past four years, I've been super-focused on keeping a perfect GPA. But now that I've got my acceptance letter from Brown, I feel like I've got some time to experience high school social life. So I want you to take me to the prom.
Reese: Yeah, that sounds like a fun night, except the next morning I wake up like an idiot with no shopping carts in the reservoir.
Jeanie: I'll pay you $200.
Reese: Two hundred dollars?! Just to go out on a date? And the career counselor said I should be a mechanic. I can't wait to throw this in his face.
Jeanie: Yeah. You're basically a tear down, but I think I can get you ready. Meet me here tomorrow at 3:00.
Reese: How sweet is this?

Malcolm: In other words, we all stay home on prom night like we do every year? That'll send a message. Look, guys, the morp is too good of an idea to let personality conflicts get in the way. We have been outsiders that have never belonged to anything. And now, for one night, we can be a part of something. And do it in a way that allows us to all to be individuals.

Jeanie: Let's review the evening. What time do you pick me up?
Reese: I ring your doorbell at 6:00. I'm prompt because it's a sign of respect.
Jeanie: And when you get to my house...
Reese: I know. No throwing eggs at the door. Also a sign of respect.
Jeanie: And when we're at the dance, and it's time to say something nice, what do you say?
Reese: I don't know, "Thanks for shaving?"
Jeanie: [sprays Reese] We went over this!
Reese: Right, right, right. Um... "Every time I look at you you somehow become more beautiful."
Pedicurist: His teeth are done.
Jeanie: [pulls out teeth-whitening tray] They're not white enough. Don't you people realize that we're running out of time here? Look at this. He's not even close. I want his face flawless, his hair shorter and shinier. He's an illiterate thug. I don't think it's too much to ask that he looks perfect!
Reese: You heard the lady. Make me glow.

Carla: This is fantastic, Malcolm. All these people would have been home tonight feeling lonely and miserable. You should feel really proud.
Malcolm: Yeah, I guess.
Carla: What do you mean "you guess"?
Malcolm: I know, I know, it just... I thought it would feel better. There's something missing.

Jeanie: Reese, that wasn't in the script.
Reese: I'm sorry. Are you going to spray me again?
Jeanie: No, it was actually really nice. I liked it.
Reese: Would you like to have this dance with me?
Jeanie: I'd be delighted.
Reese: You can go ahead and grab my butt. You're paying for it.