Francis: Okay, girls, we got a nice cozy cave to sleep in, a big roaring fire... I'd say things are looking up.
Brittany: That isn't enough firewood. You have to keep the fire going all night to keep animals away. Okay, Meagan, Kirsten, go get more firewood, and make sure it's not this dumb green stuff Francis got.
Francis: Whoa, whoa, you girls aren't going anywhere. It's dark out there. I'm in charge here and I'm telling you to stay.
Meagan: I vote Brittany to be our new leader.
Girl #1: All in favor?
All: Aye!
Brittany: I accept. Now you guys get the firewood and you guys move the blankets to the dry part of the cave.
Francis: What are you doing? You can't change the leader.
Brittany: We voted.
Francis: It doesn't matter. Now I'm the grown-up, so that puts me in charge. All you girls, you sit down, 'cause no one's going anywhere.
All: [sing] We are the Buttercups We're true blue We stick together just like glue We never doubt what we can do We're honest through and through. [Francis backs down, literally]
Francis: [weakly] I'm in charge. I'm in charge.

Francis: Good news, girls. It took me all day, but I caught two delicious-looking lizards and the back half of what I'm pretty sure is a gopher.
Brittany: Meagan and Ashley built a trap and caught some rabbits.
Francis: What's in the pot?
Meagan: We found some roots and grasses to make soup with. And we're not putting in your gross lizards.
Francis: You can't eat that soup. There's no way to know if what you gathered is safe to eat.
Meagan: But we only picked things we saw the bunnies eating.

Susan: Look at you. Now you're a sleeping sailor. He can try on the rest of his new outfits later. You know, I really missed the boat not having kids. I got to admit, I envy you.
Lois: Is that why you're not taking my kidney?
Susan: What?
Lois: Your cell phone rang this morning. I answered it. It was your doctor, Susan. He told me everything. How could you tell him that I don't exist? How can you not even ask me for a kidney when I'm probably a perfect match? What kind of weird psychological issues are making you do this?
Susan: Who gave you the right to answer my cell phone?!
Lois: What is wrong with you?! If I give you one of my kidneys, you can live.
Susan: Well, that's the moment we've all been waiting for, isn't it? The almighty Lois now has the power to grant me life!
Hal: Don't mind me. Not staying. Just getting an innocent child out of the line of fire. Enjoy your chat. See? We're already gone. Good-bye.

Lois: Why do you always twist around everything I say to make it seem like I'm attacking you?
Susan: Why do you always say "always"? Do you have any idea how stupid that makes you sound?!
Lois: Don't change the subject! My God, this is the apple turnover all over again.
Susan: [screams] Don't you dare bring up the apple turnover! [talks] Oh, screw it. I've had 15 years of therapy. I'm better than this. [walks away]
Lois: I'm talking to you!
Susan: I am not your puppet!

Hal: What?
Lois: I know what I did wrong, Hal. I let her get away too easily.
Hal: Well, I didn't think anything was gonna be solved once you got into who your goldfish liked better.
Lois: You're right. Arguing with her accomplishes nothing. That's why I'm going to have a judge declare her mentally incompetent.
Hal: That's never going to work, Lois.
Lois: Are you kidding? Any psychiatrist spends five minutes with her would say that she's crazy!
Hal: Lois, don't take this the wrong way, but when you two get together, you don't exactly have the high ground on crazy.
Lois: Well, what am I supposed to do, Hal, just sit back and watch her die?
Hal: I don't know what to do either. But Susan is an adult. You can't force someone to take a kidney. [hugs Lois]

Francis: [whispers] Meagan. Meagan!
Meagan: [wakes up] Huh?
Francis: Shh! I have something very important to tell you.
Meagan: What?
Francis: Brittany told me that Donny Frost said that he likes you, but she won't tell you 'cause she thinks you're stuck up.
Meagan: No way!
Francis: And also, she said those shoes she said were cute on you aren't cute on you at all. They're actually dorky.
Meagan: Why would she say such mean things?
Francis: I think it's because she's a two-face. But that's not important. What is important is that a girl like that should not be the leader. You should be the leader. You're more honest than she is and prettier.
Meagan: Me? The leader?
Francis: Totally. Together, we could make this the best Buttercup troop ever. All I need you to do is untie my hands.
Meagan: Okay.
Francis: You are not going to regret this. [Meagan kicks Francis out of the cave]
Meagan: Buttercups are always loyal! Think about that while you're sleeping outside!

Reese: Yeah, driving's cool. I do all my thinking when I drive. Of course, sometimes I drive and I don't think, I just drive. But no matter where I drive or how much I drive, I find that people are still people.
Katie: That is so true.

Olivia: Thanks for letting me wear your jacket.
Malcolm: Sure. Let me ask you something. Do you remember last week when I said "hello" to you, and you said, "Look what's trying to talk to me?"
Olivia: Did I?
Malcolm: So, are you nicer to me now because you realize we have more in common than you thought, or because you find our differences intriguing, or because now I have a car?
Olivia: Uh, probably the car.
Malcolm: Cool. [to camera] Sometimes I love high school.

Katie: Hey, why don't we drive somewhere so we can have a little privacy?
Reese: I don't see why we have to drive anywhere. It's a beautiful night, I'm with a beautiful girl, there are some beautiful bushes over there.
Katie: I'll get some blankets. Come on, Olivia.
Malcolm: [to Reese] You are a god. A god of a special universe, where no one thinks of consequences and where those of us constrained by intelligence and common sense are not allowed. But you have invited me in, and from now on, I will follow you anywhere.
Matt: Hey, hey, hey! There's cop cars up at the top of the hill. Everybody get out of here!
[As all the teens rush back into their cars, Malcolm and Reese's Mustang is blocking their exit]
Matt: Move your damn car!
Reese: Uh, I think the battery's dead!
Matt: I'll jump it! [opens the hood] There's no engine! [sirens wail]
Reese: Hey, somebody stole our engine! Nobody's going anywhere until they give it back! I'm glad the cops are coming! I want names!

Dr. Dumont: You're not allowed out of Post-Op yet.
Susan: Post-Op?
Lois: Yep. It turns out I was a perfect match. My kidney's in a cooler down the hall. You can either accept it or throw it in the trash.
Dr. Dumont: Oh, boy, this is not going to look good in front of the board.
Susan: Are you insane? You had your kidney taken out after I told you no?
Hal: Susan, hi. Look, I know you don't care what I think, but I have to let you know that I am so happy that you agreed to do this.
Susan: Oh, I didn't agree to anything. My treacherous sister has concocted a gigantic tissue of lies to trap me, but it's not going to work!
Hal: What? Well, she didn't...? Okay, for future reference, this is the crazy thing I was talking about!