Hal: I'm telling you, Lois, we are not equipped to deal with these issues. We get into a giant, stupid fight every time we work on the will.
Lois: Hal, last time we tried this was ten years ago.
Hal: And it led to a fight. You called me thin-skinned and overly sensitive.
Lois: Hal, you can stall all night, but we are going to do this.
Hal: Fine. I'll get a pencil. [sharpener whirring] [sharpener whirring] [sharpener whirring] This pencil's too short.
Lois: Hal.
Hal: Oh, all right.

Hal: Wow! You guys are huge! And shiny.
Bodybuilder #1: Thanks, mister. But we can always be huger. And shinier.
Hal: You out here all day?
Bodybuilder #1: As long as those disability checks keep coming.

Man: I hear your son likes to beat up seven-year-olds.
Hal: I wouldn't say he likes it. He's good at it, apparently.
Man: Look in my family... [pokes Hal] we don't go for that.
Hal: Probably not a good idea to poke me.
Man: "Probably not a good idea to poke me." [pokes Hal again]
Hal: [mirthless chuckle]

Hal: Okay, so who wants some hot chocolate by the fire, huh?
Dewey: Yeah.
Manager: Enjoy your stay, Malcolm.
Malcolm: Thanks.