Hal: Good night, boys.
Dewey: Good night, Dad.
Hal: What a day. Memorable, huh? And if you thought today was fun, tomorrow's gonna make it look like garbage. Quick question. If I died in my sleep tonight, who'd be sad?
Dewey: I would!
Reese: Me! Me!
Malcolm: Sure. Of course we'd be sad.
Hal: You boys have just earned some s'mores. Back in a jiff.
Malcolm: Wait, Dad. You don't have to do this. I think I know what's going on. If you want to talk about stuff...
Hal: Malcolm, all I'm interested in right now is filling your bellies with marshmallowy goodness.
Malcolm: But, Dad-
Hal: Don't worry. I'll make yours double thick.

Malcolm: Where's Dad?
Reese: It was weird. I got up early this morning and found him sitting at the kitchen table looking at a picture of him and Grandpa with this peaceful smile on his face.
Malcolm: Really?
Reese: Yeah. Then he said he really worked some things out last night. And then he just took off for work.
Malcolm: Wow.
Reese: [to Dewey] Hey, get your greedy mitts off my lunch!
Dewey: I was just moving it to get to my lunch.
Reese: What lunch? [throws Dewey's lunch on the floor and then grabs Dewey]
Malcolm: Later.

Hal: I guess he misses out on Motocross!
Dewey: Sweet! [off Reese's look] I mean, I guess it's okay.
Hal: Come on. It'll be better than yesterday.
Reese: What was yesterday? I can't quite remember. Can you, Dewey?
Hal: I knocked you into pudding.
Reese: I guess the problem with memories is that they fade. Especially in the minds of young people that are scrambled with video games and death metal.
Dewey: I can barely remember my own name.
Reese: Hey, you know what doesn't fade? Things. Like these pants. I can still remember the crisp September day when Mom gave them to us. She had a little lipstick on her upper tooth. Her eyes crinkled.
Dewey: She smelled like lilacs.
Hal: Hey, you know what? I can get you things.
Reese: I don't know. You'd have to drive us to some kind of mall or something.
Hal: You boys go get in the car. I'm going to call the credit card company and have them up my limit.
Reese: Taken care of. [Hal chuckles]

Malcolm: What the hell's all this?
Reese: Turns out Dad still has some grieving left to do.
Malcolm: I can't believe you. You lied to me and you totally took advantage of him.
Reese: I don't see it that way. They say money can't buy love but they're wrong. I'm actually starting to love Dad. Now I'm not saying somebody couldn't come along and outbid him, but right now, he's the front-runner.
Malcolm: You can't do this. This is wrong. You're giving all this back.
Reese: Who are you to question his process?
Malcolm: Reese, he's crazy.
Reese: Mom's crazy. But she's the kind of crazy where all she does is yell at us and punish. Now Dad's crazy in a way where he buys us an XBox 360. And you want to mess with that? You're just afraid of happiness, Malcolm.

Hal: Boys! What are you doing? Today's a happy day. You're supposed to remember this the rest of your lives.
Malcolm: I need to talk to you, Dad.
Reese: Dad, if you love us, don't listen to him.
Malcolm: Look at what you're doing. Look at the money you're spending. Look at the reason why you're spending it. Something is very wrong.
Hal: I hear you, Malcolm. I understand that things have gotten a little unbalanced and... and I know what I need to do.
Malcolm: Thank God.
Hal: I'm going to buy you a car.
Malcolm: [to camera] It's moments like this that really define character. [to Hal] I love you, Daddy!

Malcolm: [to camera] I know this is wrong. But somehow my body's not doing anything to stop it. Maybe that means at some level, I don't even know it's wrong. And if I don't know if it's wrong, then I can't get blamed for doing it. Right?

Dewey: Hello?
George Takei: I'm George Takei. I played Sulu on Star Trek. Did your grandfather die recently?
Dewey: Yes.
George Takei: Allow me to extend my deepest condolences. I got a call from a neighbor that your father might like to talk to me. And when I called back, the line was busy. So I decided to come over. It was a six-hour bus ride with a lot of stops. May I have some water, please?
Dewey: Sorry, my parents aren't home. But you can use the hose out front.
George Takei: Delightful. If you don't mind, I'll make camp on your front lawn in anticipation of their return. Improvisation: my stock and trade. In episode 18, "The Squire of Gothos", the script read, "the crew ad-libs 'Hello'." [chuckles] Well, I was off to the races.
Dewey: Well, I've got a lot of homework. [closes door]
George Takei: [o.s.] Ooh, mushrooms! May I help myself?

Hal: We are not stopping until we find that smell.
Reese: Check out that black thing. Was that even food?
Hal: I believe it was cheese at one time. [both sniff and groan] No, that's not it. [sniff and groan] Nope.
Reese: No. Hey, what about that?
Hal: Oh, God! Isn't that the school rat that Dewey was taking care of last summer? [both sniff and retch] No, that's not it.

Dewey: This is so awesome.
Reese: Yeah. I don't know what alien worm burrowed into Dad's brain, but I'd like to shake its hand.
Malcolm: Don't you guys see what's going on? This is all because of Grandpa. Ever since he died, Dad's been feeling bad because he doesn't miss him enough. So now he's trying to compensate by bonding with us.
Reese: That's just a lot of fancy language for all-you-can-eat s'mores.
Malcolm: This isn't fun and games, Reese. He's got a real emotional problem.

Reese: You think Dad could really be doing this to buy our love?
Dewey: I guess.
Reese: I say we squeeze him for all he's got.
Dewey: It's the least we could do for him.