Francis: There's a problem with this film.
Otto: We heard about the actors that didn't show up, but don't worry. They gave the part to Gretchen.
Francis: What?! No!
Gretchen: It's not a big part. I just walk in und say, "Looks like we're going to need more towels." Und then I walk out.
Francis: Do you have any idea what kind of a movie this is?
Gretchen: So it's an independent film.
Otto: If the Sundance Film Festival has taught us anything, it is that the low budget film can compete with the big boys.
Francis: But this-
Gretchen: It doesn't matter what kind of movie it is. It makes me feel so... so good, you know? I guess, like any little girl, I had dreams, ja, but they said I wasn't pretty enough, and they said I wasn't smart enough.
Otto: Your mother was a jealous cow.
Gretchen: [giggles] Thank you, Francis. I owe it all to you.

Gretchen: There you are!
Otto: Thank God!
Francis: How did you find us?
Piama: We just followed the fire.
Francis: What fire?
Gretchen: One of the cows got through the gate you didn't fix.
Piama: And it knocked over one of the heat lamps you never took in.
Gretchen: Which set fire to the trail of gasoline from the open can in the back of your truck. Which, by the way, also is on fire.
Otto: Ah, you see, Francis? You thought you were a screwup.

Otto: I can't believe they're letting us watch them film.
Randy: Okay, and uh... action!
Lance: [knock on door] Room service.
Debbie: Mmm, I really need some service.
Lance: Where do you want me to put it?
Debbie: Anywhere you want to put it.
Lance: Well, I want to put it here.
Debbie: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Lance: And here.
Debbie: Yeah, that's even better. Mmm. Yeah.
French Maid: Can anyone join in?!
Lance: Yeah. That's it. [plate clattering]
Debbie: You're the best.
Gretchen: Looks like we're going to need more towels!
Randy: And cut.
Otto: Bravo!

Gretchen: Otto always planned that when Rutger finished college, he would come out here und live with us on the ranch. But instead, he insisted on going to medical school. And when he was named chief surgeon of his hospital, Otto was crushed.
Francis: It's so strange he never mentioned any of this.
Gretchen: That is Otto's Teutonic pride. He will never, ever show his feelings to anyone.
Otto: [crying] Welcome to the Grotto. I'm sure you will enjoy your stay. [blows nose] And don't forget to visit the gift shop. [crying] Oh perhaps tomorrow, you would like to go horseback riding on Uncle Otto's pony! [crying loudly]

Francis: Gretchen, what are you doing?
Gretchen: I was just going through some Of Rutger's things from when he was a boy. [whinnies] [laughs] Boy, I don't remember that he was so fat. [gasps] Schlupi!
Francis: Who's Schlupi?
Gretchen: [holds sock puppet] Otto and Rutger used to love Schlupi. Otto would put Schlupi on, and Rutger would laugh and laugh. It was almost like a little brother to him. [laughs] Schlupi could say all of the things that Otto couldn't. Like, "Go to bed." And "Behave yourself." And "Take your finger out of there, it's disgusting!" [laughs] Oh, the love in that house. And now it's gone.
Francis: Gretchen, I hate seeing you so upset. You've got to talk to Otto about this.
Gretchen: There is no getting through to him. He won't even admit that anything is wrong.
Otto: [crying] Oh! Oh... Oh... [sings] Oklahoma Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain And the waving wheat

Gretchen: Oh, here you are, Francis.
Francis: What's this?
Gretchen: An invitation for you and Piama. Otto and I are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary!
Francis: You're kidding. That's great.
Otto: Oh, I wish I could chop you up in a million pieces so that I could share you with the rest of the world.
Gretchen: Oh, you are so romantic, my big Bavarian monkey face.