‘Goodbye Kitty’
Season 5, Episode 3 - Aired November 16, 2003
Stevie is devastated when he finds out Kitty has divorced Abe and isn't coming back. Meanwhile, Dewey develops a taste for baby food, and Reese gets caught up in the romance of a diary, unaware it belongs to Lois.
Quote from Lois
Lois: Come on, Jamie, I got to get to work. Eat. You'll stick a cockroach in your mouth, and you won't even taste this? Here, Dewey, you're good with the baby.
Dewey: No, I'm not. You're just saying that.
Lois: Aw, you caught me. Your reward is you get to feed the baby.
Quote from Otto
Francis: What did the vet say about Paint Can?
Otto: Oh, she's fine. Just fine. [moves away from the cow] It's terrible news. She has acute laminitis in her hoof. I'm afraid we will have to put her down.
Francis: You mean kill her?
Otto: Uh-huh.
Francis: Oh, the poor thing. Who's going to have to do it?
Otto: We will have to do it, Francis.
Francis: You're kidding.
Otto: We have no choice. After all, we are real ranchers. We must be strong and determined, and never shirk from our responsibilities, no matter how unpleasant they may be.
Francis: You're going to make me do this, aren't you? [Otto has disappeared] Otto?
Quote from Stevie
Abe: Dig in, Stevie. That's real butter pooling on your plate.
Stevie: Can't eat. Too excited... about Mom... coming home. I made her... a card. Baked her... a cake. Wrote her... a song.
Malcolm: Stevie, you're going to black out again.
Stevie: Can we... put up... Chinese lanterns?
Abe: [chuckles] You bet, son. Anything you want.
Quote from Abe
Hal: Look, Stevie has to know that his mother isn't coming back.
Abe: You're absolutely right. Any way you could tell him?
Hal: Why would I tell him?
Lois: What's the matter?
Hal: Kitty divorced Abe. She's not coming home.
Lois: Oh, my God! What on earth happened?
Abe: The truth is, the last few years, she only stayed with me because of Stevie. He's always been so sick and helpless. The whole marriage was built around taking care of him.
Lois: Oh, I had no idea.
Abe: Then, two months ago, she walked in and announced that Stevie was finally doing just fine. Then she packed her bags and left.
Quote from Abe
Malcolm: Why should I tell him?
Abe: Well, you're not entirely blameless in this.
Malcolm: What?
Abe: You're the one who always pushed him to try new things: dances, ski trips, basketball. Before he met you, that boy could hardly handle a yo-yo.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: [to camera] It's really weird. It's only been three days since Stevie found out about him mom, but he's regressed, like, ten years. [to Stevie] So, I think we can beat these guys. We just can't be afraid to get physical under the boards.
[Stevie sighs. A chocolate wrapper blows and lands on Stevie's face, before Malcolm takes it off.]
Malcolm: Come on, Stevie. I know you're going through a hard time, but we're in the tournament. This might help take your mind off of it for a while. Just talk to me, Stevie. I know you're not this far gone.
Electronic Voice: You don't know anything about what I am going through or how I feel. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to conserve my remaining strength for breathing.
Stevie: [sighs]
Malcolm: And stop using that. You can talk perfectly... You don't need that thing. Fine. [gets up out of wheel chair] If you're not going to talk to me, I'm out of here. [walks away]
Quote from Hal
Abe: I don't know what to do. Stevie's just devastated.
Hal: Mm-hmm.
Abe: I try to talk to him, but he just shuts me out.
Hal: Well, he'll come around. You'll see, Abe. Everything will be fine. Now, come on. You don't want to be late for your meeting.
Lois: I don't know what's happening with Jamie. We're going through all this baby food, and he still always wants to nurse.
Hal: Honey, not now. I'm dealing with a family thing here. [to Abe] Now, if you get a little weepy during your presentation, do what I do: spill coffee on yourself and leave the room.
Abe: You're too good to me. [exits]
Lois: Hal, what exactly are you doing with Abe? I've seen you pulling the yarn balls off his sweater, and yesterday, you were massaging his feet. I know he means a lot to you, but you can't replace Kitty.
Hal: That's ridiculous, Lois. I'm just being a good friend. [leaves message on phone] You matter.
Quote from Francis
Francis: Here you go, Paint Can. Got you the biggest, nicest carrot I could find.
Otto: Please, Francis, let us not drag this out any longer than we have to. [cocks gun]
Francis: Okay, let's just do it. [both whimper] Don't worry, Paint Can. It will all be over soon.
Otto: One quick pull of the trigger, and we will put an end to her misery.
[With their eyes closes, Francis and Otto end up aiming their guns at each other]
Otto: Ready... aim... fire!
Francis: Why didn't you shoot?
Otto: Well, you didn't shoot, either.
Francis: I wasn't ready. I'm ready now.
Otto: Good. Here we go. Ready... aim... fire! Oh, come on, Francis, you're being a coward.
Francis: Me? You totally chickened out.
Otto: All right. One the count of three, we both shoot, no matter what. One... two...
Both: Bang!
Francis: Oh... Come on.
Otto: If you're not... [gasps] You could have killed me.
Francis: Only after you killed me.
Otto: You cannot kill a horse, but you have no problem killing Otto. [horse collapses]
Francis: Paint Can?
Otto: What's the matter with her?
Francis: I think she choked on the carrot. Well, I guess no one can say we're not real ranchers now.
Otto: Yeah. I just hope we don't develop too much of a taste for killing.
Quote from Abe
Hal: I've been thinking about picking up Stevie some of those baggy pants he's been wanting.
Abe: Hal, we've been through this.
Hal: All the kids are wearing them. It's not like he's joining a gang.
Abe: Well, maybe you're right. You do know best about these things. He's lucky to have you, Hal.
Hal: Can I get you anything from the kitchen?
Abe: No, I'm fine. Thanks, honey. [leans into kiss Hal]
Hal: Abe?
Abe: Huh?
Hal: You just tried to kiss me.
Abe: No. No, that was a lip twitch. See? There it goes again.
Hal: You know what? I'm glad this happened. Because it made me realize something. Get out.
Abe: What?
Hal: I can't replace Kitty. And I'm not doing you any favors by trying.
Abe: But what am I supposed to do without you? What am I supposed to do about Stevie?
Hal: I don't have the slightest idea. But you're his father. So just get in there. I know you'll be able to figure it out. You can do this. Now, go.
Abe: All right.
Hal: Hold on. [straightens Abe's tie] Okay.
Quote from Abe
Abe: For God's sake, son, what are you doing out here? You're soaking wet.
Electronic Voice: At last you tell me the truth about something.
Abe: Son, I know you've had a terrible shock, and you need your father to get you through this. Well, that's not going to happen because your daddy is a weak, weak man. Son, what your mother did to you was horrible. And what I did to you wasn't any better. I'm sorry.
Electronic Voice: Keep going.
Abe: Stevie, I know your whole life you've had to face tremendous adversity. You've shown more courage than I've had any right to expect. And now you're going to have to show even more. I know it's not fair, but believe me, you can do this. I've learned to be amazed when it comes to you. And if it helps, I promise I'll always be there. Frightened and full of denial, but there.
Stevie: Let's go... home.