Lois: Reese, that's a great idea you're probably having to help that lady who's trying to buy something.
Reese: Yeah, okay. Can I help you?
Woman: How much for the vacuum?
Reese: That's a set. You can only buy that if you buy the lamp.
Woman: But I don't need a lamp.
Reese: Then you don't need a vacuum. [to Lois] She'll be back. And the lamp isn't going without the blender.
Lois: You've obviously put a lot of thought into this.

Malcolm: Reese, don't- You stupid jackass. You don't know what you're doing!
Lois: That is enough out of you! Are you really so insecure that you can't stand anyone else getting any attention? Your brother has worked so hard to make this yard sale a success, he doesn't need you undermining him at ever turn.
Malcolm: Mom, you have to listen to me. We have a Nortair 680b. It's a type of computer that was built in 1976. There's only a few in existence. And Craig is going to give us $1,300 for it.
Lois: $1,300? Oh, my God.
[Reese smashes the computer over his leg]
Lois: What are you doing?!
Reese: I have a lot of things to sell, and I don't have time to argue with this bozo. I've got a Jet Ski on hold, and the place closes at 6:00.
Lois: What are you talking about?
Reese: I'm buying a jet ski with my yard sale money.
Lois: That money isn't yours. It's going to rebuild our bedroom wall.
Reese: But you said I was in charge. That means I get the money!
Lois: No, it doesn't.
Reese: Then why the hell would I want to be in charge?
Lois: Reese, this is helping you become a better person by building your self-esteem, which you are obviously going to need if you are stupid enough to throw away $1,300 that this family desperately needs!

Lois: [answers phone] Hello?
Francis: Mom?
Lois: Francis?
Francis: Listen, I've been doing some thinking, and I just wanted to tell you that even though we haven't always gotten along, I guess you thought you were doing what was best for me, and... well, I appreciate it.
Lois: Wow. Francis, what brought this on?
Francis: I don't know. [wearing sock puppet] I guess I just had a breakthrough. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about this thing that happened in junior high...

Reese: You think she'll notice the grass fire?
Malcolm: Just remember, as far as we know, Dewey has always been missing the tip of his finger.
Hal: [enters] Boys, we're home.
Lois: [enters] Oh, boys, I've missed you so!
Reese: Dad knocked down your bedroom wall.
Lois: What?

Malcolm: Reese, if you put the heavy boxes down first, and then stack the light ones on top-
Reese: It just kills you I'm in charge, doesn't it?
[Glass crunches as Reese puts a heavy tray on top of a cardboard box labeled "Xmas Ornaments"]

Reese: I remember this toy. I begged for it for months. It was supposed to move and talk and learn my name. But the stupid thing never worked.
[flashback:]
Young Reese: [slamming toy against the floor] Robot, robot, robot, robot, robot, robot

Malcolm: Dad, is this yours?
Hal: No, it must have been my roommate's.
Malcolm: You know, I think it might be something-
Reese: Throw it out. It's garbage.
Malcolm: Reese, maybe we should try to find out what it is.
Reese: Mom! Malcolm's not respecting my leadership!
Lois: [o.s.] Malcolm, you respect Reese's leadership!
[Glass crunches as Reese puts another heavy box on a cardboard box]

Gretchen: Otto always planned that when Rutger finished college, he would come out here und live with us on the ranch. But instead, he insisted on going to medical school. And when he was named chief surgeon of his hospital, Otto was crushed.
Francis: It's so strange he never mentioned any of this.
Gretchen: That is Otto's Teutonic pride. He will never, ever show his feelings to anyone.
Otto: [crying] Welcome to the Grotto. I'm sure you will enjoy your stay. [blows nose] And don't forget to visit the gift shop. [crying] Oh perhaps tomorrow, you would like to go horseback riding on Uncle Otto's pony! [crying loudly]

Lois: I think we should start the garage sale around 7:00, because serious shoppers like to get an early start. Unless you have a different idea, which I'm sure would be great.
Reese: I was thinking 11:30. So I could watch cartoons.
Lois: Oh, so you'll be well rested and better able to focus. Good thinking.

Lois: Hal, what are you doing out there? I've been gone for six weeks, and now that I'm home, I barely see you.
Hal: I missed you, too. Why don't I put on some music?