‘Future Malcolm’
Season 4, Episode 19 - Aired May 4, 2003
Malcolm gets a glimpse into his future when he meets a bitter, sarcastic man, Leonard (Jason Alexander), playing chess in the park. Dewey keeps acting out and claiming the child Lois is carrying told him to do it. Meanwhile, Francis objects to Piama posing nude in Otto's art class.
Quote from Hal
Lois: What is wrong with that kid? I'm really getting worried.
Hal: Let's just stay calm. We'll get in the car, go pick up some doughnuts, and we'll figure this out on the way.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Another draw?
Leonard: [to a guy with a boombox] Hey, Casey Kasem, why don't you do everybody a favor and turn that crap down?
Man: It's not loud.
Leonard: I didn't say it was loud. I said it was crap.
Quote from Hal
Lois: What's this?
Hal: Somebody had a birthday at the office, And nobody ate it because it's "fat-free."
Dewey: How come it doesn't say "happy birthday" or anything?
Hal: Well, you know, office politics, but you wouldn't believe how PC some of these jerks can get. [chuckles]
Quote from Francis
Francis: Well, I'm here. We can get started in a moment.
Gloria: Francis, I-I didn't call you.
Francis: Yes, I noticed. I can't do your job and mine, Gloria. What? There's no Camembert? You expect me to have my wine without any Camembert? That ruins my entire aesthetic!
Gloria: Francis.
Francis: Forget it. I'll work without cheese. Who is this?
Gloria: That's Jeremy, our model for the evening. That's why I didn't call you.
Otto: Francis, we have already sketched your fabulous haunches, and now it is time for us to examine the interplay of light and shadow on Jeremy's love handles.
Francis: That's it? That's how it ends? You just casually discard me like yesterday's fish? After you've sucked out the essence of my soul?
Gloria: Francis, please, try to understand.
Francis: No, I don't understand! I let you see every color in the spectrum of my being, and you have rejected it! Someday, you'll realize what you turned your back on, and you will curse yourself for your banality and your shortsightedness, but by then it will be too late because I will be gone! Yes, gone! [exits] [returns] Um... can I have my robe?
Quote from Craig
Malcolm: Congratulations. I knew you could do it.
Leonard: Oh, my God, that guy is an idiot.
Malcolm: You only had to do an interview with him. Trying having dinner with that jackass and his stupid cat.
Leonard: The cat can't be any stupider than this guy. This moron just tried to use a Barbie doll to explain the hygiene procedures.
Craig: Brother, huh? I think I'll stay an only child, thank you.
Quote from Hal
Lois: I have had it with you, Dewey. I have enough on my mind without having to deal with this!
Dewey: But the baby says...
Lois: Listen to me. That baby is not talking to you.
Hal: Honey, just try to calm down, okay? I'll make you some tea.
[Hal squirts syrup into the tea he's making for Lois]
Lois: You have to stop using this as an excuse to get attention, because it is not going to work! Now, I don't want to hear another word about you talking to that baby, understand?
Dewey: The baby says to turn around.
Lois: What? [gasps] Hal.
Hal: Well, you don't take yours with maple syrup?