‘Family Reunion’
Season 4, Episode 3 - Aired November 17, 2002
At a family reunion, Hal tries to confront his father, Walter (Christopher Llloyd), about how the family treats Lois.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Why are we staring at a mall, Grandpa?
Walter: This is a battlefield, Private, and I'm not your Grandpa. I'm Captain Atticus P. Featherton, Commander of the Company "A" cavalry. It's 1864. Cannonballs are flying overhead. The nostrils curl with the smell of burning flesh. [car horn honks]
Malcolm: Can I get a yogurt?
Walter: You're ravaged by dysentery, you don't want a yogurt.
Woman: Edith, where are my keys? They're supposed to be in the key thingy. I can't trust you with anything.
Walter: Now, there's Confederate sharpshooters on that ridge over there. We have to sit very still while we wait for our orders or they'll pick us off one by one.
Malcolm: But-
Walter: Very still, Private. More still than that! Isn't this great?
Quote from Hal
Walter: Hal, what are you doing?
Hal: Taking a stand for my dignity. You've driven me to this, Dad. My wife is upstairs crying because of the way this family treats her and it's got to stop.
Walter: [goofy voice] Uh-oh. Someone's a Gloomy Gus. [tries to tickle Hal through layers of coats]
Hal: You never face up to any real problems, do you? You just think if you make enough jokes, they'll all go away. Don't you see that through my entire life, you've avoided dealing with me whenever I was going through a tough time?
Walter: Really, this is beyond the pale.
Hal: You never helped me when my girlfriend dumped me. [tickles Walter] When my dog died.
Walter: Hey.
Hal: When my best friend moved away. When I got beaten up at school. When I spent a whole summer crying and I didn't know why!
Walter: [laughing] Hal, stop it!
Hal: And you haven't helped me while my family has been habitually tormenting my wife to the point where I've had to avoid both them and you! I haven't had a father for the past 15 years because you won't deal with anything! [laughter subsiding] Okay, that's off my chest. I hope you heard it. I love you, Dad. I'll go get you a towel.
Walter: One of the old ones, please.