Dabney: Hey, Malcolm, isn't this great?
Malcolm: I wouldn't know.
Dabney: Come on, we get to hang out in the gym... without worrying about dodgeballs, or getting pantsed.
Lloyd: It's a dream come true. We actually get to live in the school.
Dabney: Check this out! It's the key to the girls' locker room.
Lloyd: We were actually standing where girls take showers... naked. Or so I'm told.

Stevie: What... a jerk.
Lloyd: Is that what we're gonna turn out like? If I ever start acting like that you have to promise to kill me.
Dabney: No! No more death pacts.

Malcolm: Come on, guys. If we don't let the rankings get to us they mean nothing!
Dabney: Easy for you to say, number one.
Malcolm: I have a name! We all have names!
Lloyd: Oh, my God! I can't remember mine!
Malcolm: This is ridiculous! School used to be the one place where you were happy and Herkabe has taken that away from you. That stupid board is ruining our lives! We can't let him do that!
Stevie: What choice... do we have?
Malcolm: We have the choice that people have had for centuries. We can choose to fail.
Dabney: Like the French?

Malcolm: Oh, man, who's got their assignment on Cambodia? I need to borrow it.
Stevie: Where... were you... last night?
Malcolm: What?
Lloyd: The Space: 1999 marathon on the Sci Fi channel.
Dabney: I made you a tunic and a hologram badge.
Malcolm: Dabney.
Dabney: Forget it! I gave it to my mom's boyfriend!

Stevie: He does seem... sorry.
Dabney: I say we cancel our vote of censure.
[In the background, Malcolm starts fighting with the boy Sara was talking to]
Lloyd: I second that. After all, he was there for us after the arboretum broke down.
Dabney: And how can you look in those eyes and say no to anything he asks? [both sigh]
Stevie: I think... he's learned... his lesson.

Dabney: Oh. I lost the crystal off my watch.
Lloyd: Didn't your parents give you that?
Malcolm: There's one like this down at the church.
Dabney: Really? Could you get it for me?
Malcolm: Sure. As long as you donate something of equal or greater value.
Dabney: Okay. How about this aftershave? Mom got it for me for parties and dances. Poor deluded woman!
Malcolm: Sold.

Dabney: Guess what? I just got back from the doctor. My spine is curved!
Lloyd: How bad?
Dabney: No gym for two years.
Lloyd: This is brilliant! I wonder if my third nipple can get me out of wrestling.
Dabney: It's worth a try.

Cynthia: Malcolm, can you ask your lemmings to move the herd an inch to the left so I could get past?
Dabney: I'm sorry, did you say inch? Don't you mean 2.54 centimetres or 0.254 decimetres, or 25.4 million nanometres?
Malcolm: Come on, guys, stop teasing her. You stink at it.
Dabney: Don't defend her, Malcolm. If I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd have a conversation with my oboe teacher.
Stevie: She's... dead... to us.

Boy: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Dabney: It's too late for second thoughts. The tribes have Balkanised. [off their confusion] [sighs] They don't like each other.

Lloyd: We don't mean to inflict ourselves on you, but there's no other places.
Cynthia: Look, we know you've had a rough couple of days, but things are about to get better.
Stevie: We joined... the chess club.
Lloyd: They love geniuses! I was voted king.
Dabney: I'm the queen, which is actually the more powerful position.
Kevin: And they're excited to meet you, too. I told them your opinion on the Luzhin defense. It raised a few eyebrows, but you're as good as in.