Lois: Craig, I heard you talking about a list of names.
Craig: Oh, that. Um. We were just rating all the hotties in the store. Don't worry. You're holding your own in both posture and dimples.
Lois: You expect me to fall for that?
Craig: I'd appreciate it.

Lois: Craig! Oh, Craig. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me you were playing a party?
Craig: You know? Oh Lord, this day just keep getting worse.
Lois: Oh, Craig, this is all my fault. I feel just awful about this. I'll do whatever it take to make this up to you. I'll even- [cell phone rings] Oh, hold on a second. [answers cell phone] Hello?
Dewey: Mom, it's an emergency. You've go to home quick. Something horrible happened. [Hal pulls the phone cord]
Lois: Hello? Dewey? Dewey!
Craig: Lois, if you could just get the ropes. My hands are wet, I think wrists are bleeding.
Lois: I'll be right back.
Craig: Party starts at 5:00.

Craig: [slurs] Lois, I've been thinking about it. I just want you to know I'm sorry. I believe in you and what you're doing here. You're doing the right thing.
Lois: Are you drunk?
Craig: Chilty as garged.
Lois: Aren't you on the clock?
Craig: But it's a party. And they invited me, knowing full well that being wanted is my Kryptonite.

Karl: So, do I get to go now?
Craig: You think you've got some place more fun that this? Go if you want. But a bunch of chips and dip are about to get "damaged," if you know what I mean. We're gonna eat them.

Craig: Hey, Malcolm. Did you know that henna parties were so last year? I had no clue.

Craig: Okay, I've packed all your winter clothes, your comic books and half your knickknacks. Guess what. We have the same Quiet Riot CD, roomie.
Reese: Stop calling me that. I'm not your roommate for another two weeks.
Lois: 12 days! The second you graduate, you are out of this house and into his.

Craig: You know, uh, this is a little intense. You, me, working this shelf together. [chuckles nervously]
Lois: What's intense about it?
Craig: I guess nothing. Excuse me. [walks off]