Announcer: [dramatic accordion music plays] [over PA] Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please turn your attention to the man with the balloon, and listen to the following heart-wrenching story.
Dewey: [takes microphone] Hello. My name is Dewey. And the man with the balloon is my father, Hal.
Hal: Dewey? Where are you?
Dewey: See, I'm the youngest of four kids, and I always get the short end of everything. I've never had a hot shower or a bed to myself. I'm the third person to wear this underwear. And yet, I've never complained.
Hal: Dewey, what is this about?!
Dewey: Even when my parents decided to have another baby. I was happy to share what little I have. And then they told me they're inducing labor. And they picked a really interesting day to do it. Do you remember what day you picked, Dad?
Hal: Dewey!
Dewey: What day did you pick, Dad? [echo]
Hal: It's Thursday. Now, just come down from wherever you are.
Dewey: Of all the days you could have picked, you chose this Thursday. Anything interesting about Thursday, Dad?
Hal: Will you stop this?
Dewey: Anything at all you can think of that might be happening this Thursday?
Hal: Okay, Dewey, what is the big deal about Thursday?
Dewey: [echoes] It's my birthday. [crowd gasps]
Hal: It is not your- [gasps] Oh, God!
Dewey: Well, ladies and gentleman, that's the story of the little boy who lost his birthday. If you have any thoughts or comments, my dad would love to hear them.